I'm on week 2 and a half of withdrawal of Cymbalta. I've had insomnia, thank goodness that seems to be over. The constant nausea, vomiting and vertigo has calmed down to a "wave"... coming and going, though I never know when it will come during a time of feeling good.

The worst of it all right now is my EXTREME IRRITABILITY. I have NEVER felt this irritable. Unfortunately, it all comes out toward my stepkids and my husband. My husband can tell that it's the withdrawal making me like this, the kids can't. I feel lousy, like a lousy stepmother, a lousy wife, a lousy woman. I feel such hatred, such self-loathing.

Withdrawal has also caused suicidal thinking to erupt within me. Yesterday and today, almost constant.

I have given up on psychiatrists, on therapists. I have no one to turn to who knows what the hell they are doing in regards to these psychoactive drugs. I am so pissed off for letting myself be put on so many different drugs in the past 18 years.

And yet I hate this withdrawal so much that a part of me, a very small part, actually wants to just throw the towel in and start taking the little pills again. I can't do this much longer, I think to myself. I can't handle this hatred feeling at home, this I-can't-handle-this feeling at work. This self-loathing, this constant voice of the devil whispering in my ear, "do it. do it."