This whole post has probably been made a thousand times but please bear with me, I have been told before that this is all in my head, and I realize that but that doesn't make it any less real. I am a very awkard person. I don't understand why but It's so hard to talk to people in public. And it sucks because that's what I reqlly enjoy doing. All throughout school I'd have trouble just having basic interaction with people. I feel like every laugh is towards me when people could be talking about something totally different. I'll start to sweat during a normal conversation because I'm afraid to say the wrong things, then when I do (and I always do) My hands start to shake and I try to cover if up becuse I'd look even more weird, sweating, shaking, studdering, and a mess. When that happens my mind is running everywhere, I start to get that "sunken" feeling in my chest, my throat starts to choke up, and I usually have to go to the bathroom to calm myself. Sometimes I would skip my whole class and just stay in the bathroom, or just walk around the halls. . I have this awkward thing where I have to wear a size small shirt (or a shirt that fits me kinda tight) or else I'll feel like I look fat and I just freak out (yeah im a freaking weirdo). I think this comes from when I was little because I used to be made fun of for being fat. On my bad days I'd skip entire days of school, just to avoid a girl I said something wrong to, or a teacher that embarrassed me. Sometimes I'd even skip weeks, just to avoid people. It got to the point where I'd get mad because I would see people talking all around me, and for some reason I am unable to. It's not like I had no friends, I has some friends that I knew since middle school. Well one day my friend gave me a green xanax, I was a pothead at the time so I was down with popping a pill. I thought it would really mess me up but it didn't. I felt a little good but the amazing part was actually talking to people! I wasn't worrying what people thought, I just remember meeting people, I still have friends I met that day because I was able to conversate. It was so pleasant to be normal for a change! That was back when I was like 16, now, i'm 19 & this is starting to become a serious problem. I have just barley graduated high school, due to my attendance issues. My parents say they will support me if I go to college as long as I pay for it. I'm going to have to get my basics done but I need a job for community college. It's so hard to get past an interveiw with me being so weird. I really want to overcome this but It's still so bad. I can't even blurt out answers without studdering. Every single interview the shaking starts, followed by sweating, followed by the sunken feeling, etc. I've been to like 8 interviews and this has been the case for every single one. I just need to land a job and get through my basics. Will any medication help my situation, or do I need another kind of treatment? Sorry If I'm rambling, this is very serious for me.
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