I've been struggling with my depression for about 2 years. The past year I have found myself less attracted to my boyfriend and I hate it because I love him and he is beautiful. My sex drive is so low it got me to the point of breaking up with him a few days ago. We still talk over the phone and I still want him in my life but every time we touch now, I just feel pain because I don't feel anything. It just depresses me more. Doesn't help that I was on a prozac that decreases sex drive but I havn't taken my meds in awhile to see if anything would change but it just got worse and I feel more depressed most days.
This is difficult at best. First, talk to your doctor about your meds. He may be able to try something different that has less of an effect on your libido.
Second, by going off your meds you are making yourself more depressed which drives people away, even if they love you. Actually, you drive them away, but that is a bit complicated to explain in just a few words. I may quote something below.
Third, self medicating is always a bad idea. Your doctor can help you with this sort of thing. That is why they are there. This a bit of a repeat of #1, but it is important to make the point.
And now for the big quote. I hope this explains how depression effects those around you, especially those you love the most
"What does it feel like to lose friends due to depression? How do you lose these friends?
You loose friends and your entire family because you are depressed and they don't know how to deal with you.
Some say, "just get over it", because they don't believe in mental illness and you are just trying to draw attention to yourself.
Some are afraid and just don't know what to do. Trying to kill yourself does not help.
You push people away because you are depressed and that is part of depression.
When you see a doctor it takes 6-8 weeks for the meds to begin to work, and maybe another 6-8 weeks more before you get consistent results. That assumes that the first med the doc chooses is the right one for you. If not, you have to do it all over again with another med. This can go on for years.
How many people are going to stick around while you put them through hell during the medication cycle, even after you go to a doctor? How long did it take you to go see one, a month, six months, a year, two years? How long?
The more friends you loose the more depressed you get. You wear people out. You think it is hard on you, it is hell on them. They don't know what to do to help, and eventually they give up and decide that it is up to you to 'fix' things. You can't fix anything because even with the meds and the therapy the only thing you can fix is you.
When you are happy with you, you find you are all alone, disconnected with almost no way back to friends and family. They don't want you because you are broken and you could break again at any moment and they are not going to live through that hell again.
You don't know how to start over. You may have a wife who has stuck with you, but she is afraid too. She loves you, but she does not know who you are and thinks you are a china doll that will break if she says anything wrong. You are afraid to say anything to her that might make her think you are broken again. Communication is just about gone.
So, how does it feel; lonely, happy, frustrating and tiring, but you know you have made it, but what does that mean? There is no place to go, no one to see, no one to connect with. Your kids, grandkids and wife are all gone, but still there."
You do not have all of the items and issues in this quote, but you should be able to see yourself in many areas. Think about what it says and take action now before you loose everyone who is close to you and have to figure out how to start over.
Be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him what is going on. Tell him why, tell him where you don't want to end up (see above) and ask for his help, as your boyfriend or as someone who cares.
See your doctor. See your doctor. See your doctor. Don't self medicate.
Good luck and I promise you, that you can make it. Many of us have.
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