Please don't take the word "antipsychotic" to mean "psychotic" these days, because these medicines are prescribed ALLLLLLLLLLL the time to people with psychiatric illnesses WITHOUT psychotic features. So please make sure you understand that first, and foremost.
Aside from the 'severe maniac' side of things that you mentioned, you and I are just alike in that we share that 'severe depression,' 'severe anxiety,' and 'crazy anger.' I went on for 25+ years of my life thinking that I was just experiencing severe depression as a result of things that happened to me as a kid, and was given one antidepressant after another, with nothing that really worked (in fact, in some cases, I felt worse). I had an extraordinarily difficult time being in relationships because the person could never do anything right, despite the fact that I loved them to death. I didn't understand myself, and I did everything I could to try to understand "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" I literally read almost all the books in the self-help section at the bookstore, as well as all the relationship books to try to correct things and make them work. So, every time I had an explosion, it would cause gut-wrenching anxiety, to the point where I felt like I had my claws in the ceiling. I couldn't sleep, I was restless, I couldn't make decisions because options put before me put me through so much anxiety (if I take this path, it could lead to this, but if I don't take this path, I face this happening... ), I would end up being frozen and doing nothing at all.
I think you need to see a psychiatric nurse practitioner or a Psychiatrist or consult someone in the field of mental health and just describe everything you just did, because I think they're going to tell you that's you're not a "maniac," you're "manic."
As I said, I just went around and around and nothing helped me, until maybe a year ago, my physician explained that anger and irritation can be a sign of bipolar disorder. If, like me, you don't get the euphoria side of things, which is where you feel like you are Super Woman, can stay up for days without sleep and don't miss it, get into dangerous things that you wouldn't ordinarily do like sex with strangers, and get yourself in trouble in other ways like crazy spending, then you're like me and you don't swing towards that type of mania. However, there are MULTIPLE types of bipolar, depressive bipolar being one of them, where you go through an extended phase of depressive symptoms rather than manic.
I think it's terrible that someone gave you an antipsychotic and didn't explain to you why you would be prescribed something like that. For example, you can go home, look up a medication name, and see that it's prescribed for schizophrenia and feel like your world is ending. That's completely not fair. Try to understand that most of these medications were originally FDA approved to treat specific disorders, so when you go on the internet, that's what they'll say they treat, but they can also be prescribed "off-label," which means that the medicine is being prescribed to YOU for another reason. Sometimes an antipsychotic can be prescribed, for example, for someone who is severely depressed, no antidepressant has worked, and the antipsychotic is now there to help "treatment-resistant" depression.
I think it would help you to contact your physician and ask a few questions to understand what it is you have been diagnosed with. There is a lot of information on the internet covering mental illness, and more than anything, I want you to feel less stigmatized by having something "wrong," or by taking a certain type of pill. Most people keep these things to themselves, but the numbers of people taking these medications are staggering, so there are a lot of people who understand, and (especially on this forum) will offer you support.
Follow up with us and let us know what you hear? Good luck, Meggie :)
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