Hi. I need help/ advice. I have struggled with very bad depression and anxiety since my sister's suicide 20 years ago. I have now started having panic attacks. I have absolutely no desire for life or anything else. I have had therapy and tried every antidepressant as they have come along. Nothing works. I always have extreme anxiety and feel detached and numb. When i am like this i cannot function well despite the fact i try and smile and act normal. Inevitably people see through it and i lose my jobs. Their comments affect me very negatively as i feel incompetent. I am educated and would like more but cannot seem to come out of this dark hole. I currently take paroxetine 40mg and alprazolam, both dosages which have been recently increased. I just hide and do very little. It is excrutiating to do most things. Most have given up. They say its a choice to be like this and i assure you it is not. I just want to be happy. I cannot keep losing work due to this and don't know what to do. I just dont see the world like most do but im tired and running out of options. I am easily overwhelmed. I try to avoid triggers but have delayed reactions to things. I need to be able to at least function.