... medical problems and I was just wondering if anyone ever wonders what's the point anymore. The more you try to feel better the more you sink in to depression. I'm 40 and have been given 5 years at the most with all my medical problems and I really wonder if I want my family to see me suffering in my last days
Dear Jen, my name is Liz, please don't talk or think that way. I also know how you are feeling, I suffer from depression and anxiety, I have medical issues also, but I do not think as severe as yours. Does anyone know how you feel, have you spoken with your doctor about your feelings? I think that's what you need to do Monday. Call and get an appt. ASAP, and see if he can prescribe something for your depression. I feel very bad for all that you are going through, and all that is facing you. But I do know one thing, your family loves you more than you can possibly know. Lean on them, they needed you for so many years, you need them now!! Please Jen, make an appt. talk to a medical professional, and see if you can get yourself in a better frame of mind. Go run a hot bubble bath, soak for a while and see if you can make yourself comfortable.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you. If you need to talk more, please don't hesitate to contact me again. There are alot of people that have been in your place on this site, so use us for anything you may need. God Bless, and please hang in there!!!
Hi, jen! I'm so sorry to hear all you're going through and the pain you're in. I know you said you have many doctors but have you considered a referral to a psychiatrist and a therapist? Your current doctors need to be concerned with your physical problems but they would be concerned with your mental state.
Any doctor you see can give you a referral and you could also locate a mental health clinic which would also be able to find a support group for you.
Please do as LMontoya haS SUGGESTED AND GO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOURSELF. aLTHOUGH YOUR CONCERN FOR YOUR FAMILY IS ADMIRABLE you NEED CARE AND SUPPORT TOO.
bEST WISHES TO YOU, wILDCAT
ps, SORRY ABOUT MY cAPS lOCK kEY!
Yes I also wonder what's the point at time and it has been many times over the past 3 years. I suffer from Bipolar II, rapid cycling and mixed episodes which means I have depression and racing thoughts at the same time and trust me some of my worst times are when I am having a mixed episode. Mostly I have depression but I also have anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD.
The one thing we both know is there is a lot of stigma attached to any kind of Mental Health Issues but do you realize that there is also a lot of stigma attached to children whose parent commits suicide?
People will whisper and talk about them and on top of that they will feel lost, abandoned, angry and be grieving all at the same time. I have known many families that a parent has committed suicide and it is so terribly hard on the children.
Six and a half years ago my daughter died from cancer. It has been very hard on me as she was my only child. Can you imagine how much at times I have wanted to be gone from this life too? As much as I would there is the rest of my family to think about. The guilt and upset it would bring all of them if I should do this.
I understand that you are trying to protect them from seeing what will happen to you but the guilt they will carry with them, thinking that they must have done something wrong or that if they had just been better children, will last all their lives.
Remember too that this is the depression talking and putting these thoughts in your head. I understand that feeling that life is not worth living. There are no support groups for cancer or depression here where I live and very little in the way of professional help either but somehow we must pick ourselves up and keep trudging along.
Try to make happy memories for your children to treasure for when you are gone. That is what my mother did when she realized she had cancer and she fought tooth and nail to stay alive as long as she could as did my daughter.
Do not give up and keep fighting to live.
Take care of you
My Dear Jen-
I am not in your shoes.I cannot feel what you feel.
But make a promise to yourself, if you can, that you will do what ever you can to alleviate your depression.
Advocate for YOU! You are worth it and deserve to be heard.
You are a wonderful person and important to this world and to your family.
You are not alone in your journey.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Hi Jen, I had severe anxiety due to frequent panic attacks and then agoraphobia, probably to avoid anxiety provoking situations. I have been free of anxiety for about 20 years, as I took 6 mg a day of Klonopin. From about 18 (perhaps earlier) I developed depression, which eventually led to frequent suicidal ideation. That stopped about 25 years ago. I am now down to 1.5 mg Klonopin a day and tapering down until I am off of it, and instead, am taking a high dose of Buspar. It is working well. My opinion is that life can get better, over time, with the combination of good medical treatment (Psychiatric and Physical) and altering the way I think about things. Just a small example of the latter, without trying to be cliche: try to focus the mind in the present. Obviously it takes a lot more, but these small practices can build upon each other, and result in a more fulfilling life.
Having people to talk to is very important, for me. I talk to my children about my problems, past and present, but I do so in a way that doesn't burden them. This helps build understanding and may ease their worrying. For me what is important is that I never seek to have them feel my burdened, as I am intentionally optimistic. That gives them a sense of hope. I don't create a dependency relationship, and I don't say things which can cause them to worry or feel guilty. I talk about my issues and my treatment. I let them know I am able to tolerate my psychiatric and medical problems. I make it clear this it has nothing to do with them (my issues), and make it clear that I'm ok. Of course if you are not feeling that you are able to handle your problems, and gain progress, then you may not be Abel to do that. However, having a close relationship with my children is invaluable. I talk to them about almost anything unless I think it can lead to their feeling guilty or worried about me. Finally, it is important, in my opinion, to have good doctors who will cooperate with you, and keep trying new things until you feel better. If not I would definitely seek out better doctors. Good luck!
I too suffer from a host of mental health conditions and other health issues, although not terminal - I have considered it too hard at times also. My advice would be to make a list of things that you used to love doing, however minor. This can be a difficult activity so do not be too hard on yourself if this does not come instantly to you! It took me a while to get 3 items on a page, but once I had them I communicated with my family/ partner that I would like to do those things more often (even though I could not be bothered/felt nothing like it at the time)... then make a concious effort to make plans. Very slowly you may begin to experience some enjoyment again - I thought it would never happen to me but it has! As hard as it is you really need to welcome good thoughts and feelings into your life and congratulate and celebrate every tiny baby step that you make in the right direction. I wish you all the best. Please enjoy your time here. This may be the last thing you want to hear and I mean absolutely no offence but have you considered attending church? I was by no means a faithful person but along this journey I have found listening to podcasts/ attending church to be uplifting, supportive and it gives me something to look forward to... you will be surprised by how much of it is actually focused on supporting one another.
I totally understand your frustration. I have mild-moderate chronic pain, treatment resistant depression and I used to suffer from panic attacks.
The panic attacks I got over by a lot of self-talk and getting to bed. For some reason, being in bed (when I can get there) and talking to myself saying 'this will pass, it's temporary... ' and also reflecting on stressors that I wasn't dealing with or trying to push out of my mind, seemed to really help. It took a lot of self talk to get through the panic attack portion of my life (after my mom died).
Depression seems to be the most frustrating for me because I've been on lots of medications for depression and even some antipsychotics.. But I don't think they make a medication to brighten anyone's outlook for a 5 yr expiration sentence. Sorry if that was too crass. I know that faking it until you make may help some of the time but you always know that you're faking it and that sort of defeats the intent. I hope that you find someone who can be in your corner that can talk with you through your struggles.. be it a church member if you attend/ believe or just an acquaintance. I say acquaintance because sometimes we don't want to burden others with our crap, right? How about thinking or even writing down any positives in your life and about yourself that you like and hold on to that.
As for the ptsd, I hear it's extraordinarily inconvenient and a little scary for others. I haven't experienced this but know others who do. It takes a lot to find your center again after the rug gets pulled from beneath. There have been experimental treatments with a basal ganglion block in the neck area that has helped a few combat vets but I don't know of any long term success or troubles with it. And since it's some uncharted territory still, chances are good your insurance won't cover it. So talk therapy will have to suffice. I'm sure that you can find some therapists and or psychologists who will call your sessions in if you are unable to commute to them.
And yes, doing some little thing that makes you happy, even if for a little while is worth doing. Make your home filled with any and every comforting thing you can possibly do. Make your home smell nice especially since smells can trigger ptsd.. make the smell of your home a smell you enjoy and it will send your brain the message that you are safe. Then carry that scent with you in a spritzer when you get overwhelmed. Don't give up. And when the fighting the crappiness becomes too tiring, go ahead and cry, yell and scream. Don't deny yourself the feelings you feel inside. Let them out of yourself. Then look at the list of all the things that give you some hope, joy and remember that the pain is temporary and you still have things and people to live for.
I also suffer from major depression, anxiety, and OCD. I view life as a struggle & I'm chronically fatigued. However, I'm still hopeful that I will eventually find an AD that will work. Also, I'm sure that your children want you here for as long as possible. It's tough, but we just have to put one foot in front of the other. Klonopin 1 mg does help me. 20 mg of Celexa gives me GI upset. I hope that you can tolerate the Celexa better than me. As you see there are plenty of people that really wish the best for you & want to communicate. There are some good doctors out there & some that are just in it for the money.
Jen sweetie, my name is Johnny. I happen to suffer from the same horrible medical issues I have been stabbed and beaten and raped because of my sexual orientation for being gay I was hit by a semi truck in my car and I overdosed six months ago and was dead for 2 minutes and 29 seconds because I got tired of the panic the PTSD the anxiety every day but you know I've learned through the last 20 years of suffering from a panic disorder that we learn to get used to it and we learn that our symptoms are manageable it's really good to look at information to see if your symptom is normal my email address is Johnny Faro at symbol gmail.com if you would ever like to personally talk about your anxiety issues I would be glad to help you other people of help me and I have been able to manage so much more better with the help of others telling me you're fine you're okay this is normal and this is why you're feeling this way you need a security blanket and a safety person if I can help you I would love to God bless you sweetie and you will be fine
I don't know what other problems you have besides anxiety,stress and depression. But your family is very important because they are the ones that have to deal with the loss.
My younger brother died buy a misfire gun shot which is unexpected. But if it's a disease they will be prepared some what because they know it's going to happen someday just don't know when.your life is important know matter who or what you are or going threw. And life could make a uturn for you. So stay strong no matter what happens.
Dear Jen, you reported this 9 days ago so today I hope you are ok. It is a horrible horrible feeling to be sick ALL OF THE TIME, and the over bearing feeling of that it will never go away is almost too much to bear. Try to find a therapist who can help,you sort out these complicated feelings. Many many people have thought what u are thinking, so u are not alone. If you have to, use this web site as your sounding board everyday. The only thing I can say, is that your family WILL be devastated .. Hang in there, find a therapist, and be good to yourself... much concern and hope, linda
Hey Jen! Depression, anxiety and panic disorder are all horrible to live with. I have personally been battling with anxiety and depression for years, and things are finally getting better (with the help of medication and therapy). Could I suggest you talk to a doctor about being prescribed an SSRI medication, Escitalopram may be a particularly good choice considering you suffer from anxiety and depression. A benzodiazepine such as Clonazepam (Klonopin) may be useful for when you have a panic attack. You should also consider CBT therapy which is likely to help you in the long term. Remember to stay strong and you will get better!
I've lost several loved ones suddenly and I know of not the one suffering from your illnesses but hang in there and fight as hard as you can, build more memories for your family to keep as I know I would love to of had more with my loved ones. Please take care and God bless you and your family!
Hi, Jen... I have dealt with chronic depression, anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, a and chronic pain for 30 year now. I have good days and bad. I try to stay busy. I vary my activities every day. Walking is about all the exercise I can do. I pray a lot, and find every day something to be thankful for..even if it is just opening my eyes each morning. I only have me and my service animal as all of my family is dead. I am 61 and will take each moment, not day or hour. You have to stop yourself, and ready look inside, find your strengths and go on. Be positive, dump any negativity, and toxic people out of your life. Let those people in who encourage you! And no matter what any one says about how much time you have on this earth..don't believe it, unless you are dead..lol.only God knows when your time is up. Read a book..try something new... there is always someone worse off than you!!
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