I have major mental probs that i cant continue to live with. I have what i think is bi-polar and anxiety and im assuming im also schitzophrnic as well. Ive never got a straight diagnosis from my dr. Which i could care less what its called but i just want it fixed, suppressed, controled or anything is better than where i am right now mentaly. I have such extreme periods of highs and lows that last for different lengths of time and are very unpredictable. Recently i have had trouble sleeping due to racing thoughts, anxiety, and working 12 hr graveyard shift doesnt help either. I have many other symptoms as well and not always at the same time. I just never know what might posses me from day to day. Yesterday i went back to see my dr for the first time in almost a year and a half. Not that i was doing beter during that time but i had a major life changing event that has made this evil so much worse on me. I new i needed to be under treatment but with my highs/lows i would put it off cuz i would start bak on a hi and feel better. Knowing good and well that i would soon be back on rock bottom. But who knew how long it would be? What i did know tho was that it would be back. I used to take pills/meds recreationaly and can admit that i had a bad problem. Most of this stemmed from a back injury and then surgery a few years ago. Yes i was always in pain and still am to this day and always will im sure. I got most of my meds from a pain mangment dr but obtained a few elsewhere too. Just a year and a half ago i had a near fatal overdose on morphine and am lucky to be alive. This is why ive avoided the dr and meds all together since. It scared me straight! My problem is that my dr knows my past, and ive never hid it from her, and has never wanted to give me anything thats potentialy habit forming for obvious reasons and i agree with her and respect her proffesional opinion but i have spent a lenghthy period in a chemical dependancy unit and i have made what i think is a great recovery. I know shes the dr and is obligated to her profession but ive tried to tell her and get her to put me on what i know works for me and helps with my severe anxiety. Xanax being one and Ativan is affective as well. She has been avoiding all of these meds and also the potential "dangerous" ones for my other probs. Shes tried me on soooo so many things that i was just tired of taking them and trying them and WAITING! And of course the mental and physical changes were taking their toll on me. The thing is that when i hit my extreme lows its so bad that im on the verge of complete insanity and it scares me to death. I just cant keep that up and am wondering if i should seek another dr? and of course i would explain my history and my situation and either way i would accept their recommendations. Its just so hard for me to talk about anything of this nature and it took losing my family for me to seek help a year n a half ago and im fairly comfy talking with my current dr and dont wana have go through the new dr/ life story thing. And theres only one female dr around which is my dr. I feel more comfy talking to females. But am i out of line by wanting to be on those particular meds? Ive never tried to argue or convince het that i do but have brought it up previously and left it that. I have had plenty of opportunities to get or use xanax since my treatment but havent. The only way i will take anything now is under a drs care. My problem was with the opiates and i never abused the benzos but i kept a few for when i needed them and they are/were like that "magic" pill you hear about to me. They supressed my anxiety and effected my mood swings in such a good way that the improvements were very obvious to me and anyone around who knows me. Like i said yesterday was my first time bak to dr in a long time and she put me on Saphris. Im unfamiliar with it but what ive been reading it sounds like it may be a good option for me. I sure hope so because im so tired of walking this tight rope and i know its hard to diagnose and treat any mental disorder but i just wish she would hear me out and trust me. Maybe Moniter me closely or just whatever would make her comfortable... Or is she comfortable keeping me away from them? Please help me with any opinions or advice on this matter!