Hi everyone, I have never posted on anything like this before, but I think this is my only option for help.
I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years now, and I love him so much it hurts. When we first met, he was young and reckless and had taken drugs that I had never even dreamed about. As we begun to hung out, he saw he wanted a different way of living; ditched every single one of his friends, and got healthy. Till this day he says I saved him without even realizing...
fastforward- I moved for college and our relationship got really rocky, graduated and now I am back. We had decided to start fresh, and it was great!
I have been back for about 7 months, and I found out about 6 weeks ago that he was doing roxy's. He told me because I was ready to leave him due to his mood swings being out of control and I had no idea why, he wouldn't talk to me.. He began to be a crappy boyfriend and was not making any effort to change it. He told me that day he had been taking Roxy 30's. As the next few days went on, he tried to stop. He was going through horrible withdrawls and felt like crap all the time. But about a week an a half later, he told me he was starting to feel better, I would check in with him occasionally and ask about the addiction, how he was feeling about it, if he was happy now, if he was hurting at all, and every time he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. I gave him the option to be honest. I wouldn't have left, we just would have had to try harder... well, Yesterday he freaked out at me, serious mood swing; telling me how much I suck, and how crappy I am to him. Then out of the blue tells me how he never stopped taking the pills. He stopped for 4 days and went back on them and never told me. I didn't even realize because he knew what I was watching for. He knew I was looking for a mood swing, or for him to start being really irritable, and he hid it so well I had no idea... he proceeded to tell me how he didn't give a sh*t about anyone on this planet, not even himself. That he was just going to "do him", and let everyone else go on their way. . . I told him I couldn't be with someone who didn't care about themselves let alone anyone else.
He claims he wants my help, but I tried to be there for him last time and apparently I did a horrible job at it. He tells me I don't understand now... and I DONT. I never will, and I can't do anything about that. He said for starters I have to stay with him. And I don't want to be manipulated into that position.
I am so confused, and I feel betrayed, and lied to constantly. I cant trust him, and I don't know that I can forgive him for choosing drugs over everything else important in his life to begin with. He knows how powerful drugs are, and he chose to take them, the addiction is just the end result.
I feel like he is trying to manipulate me into being with him now. I told him he needs to get help, like a rehab or some sort of clinic where he is monitored and held responsible, and I will always be here to support him. But he refuses. So he cant quit on his own and wont go to get help... what other option is there, besides death in the long run? and where does that leave me?
Is there anything I can do or say to help? Any tips on how to support an addict when you aren't one? Anyone who has gone through the same situation as me? what was the result? please, Anyone... I need help fast.