Well here's my story. When I was a freshman in high school, I started dating a guy who was a senior, and it was kind of that "mysterious bad boy" attraction that drew me to him. In the beginning, I was unaware of his serious drug issues ranging from smoking weed to shooting heroin. He was also selling drugs at that time. The relationship was short lived due to all the problems caused by his addictions. A few years after we dated, he was arrested for growing psychedelic mushrooms and numerous other drug charges, as his house was searched by police. He was then put into rehabilitation and we lost contact for several years. In June, I happened to come across his phone number and decided to text him as it had been a long time since I'd heard anything from him. He informed me of how well he had been doing and that he had been clean for almost eight months. We decided to meet up and things seemed to be going really well. Our rekindled relationship was really fabulous for months, until he had a prescription filled for Tramadol. The day he got it, he was really messed up and could hardly talk to me. To make matters worse, we had made plans to have dinner with my family at my parent's house that night. It definitely caused a huge blow out, but after doing some research I decided to stick it out and help him overcome the lasting effects of his addictions. Things went back to normal for a while and he was clean again. He recently moved to the city where I live so that we could be closer and we were both ecstatic. Within the last month, he's been struggling to get a job,due to several drug charges on his criminal record and has been really down about it. Last week, he said he was running out of sleeping pills and needed to go see the doctor to have him authorize more refills. I was fine with that, but he failed to mention that he also had the doctor fill a 'script for Klonopin (as he has a history of seizures). However, he has not been on this medication the whole time we've been together, and many of the seizures occurred while he was trying to come off of heroin. He's been completely disoriented for two days now, and stayed up until six o'clock this morning, only to sleep well into the evening. I wrote him a letter, describing how I felt, as I can't even converse with him in this state. He has apologized several times, but is still showing effects from the Klonopin. It's just becoming harder and harder for me to be supportive and stick around to help him, and I'm not sure where to go from here. I've tried almost every angle and I realize he's getting depressed but what more can I do to help him?
Hi amlogue - I don't want to be negative, but it seems like you've saddled yourself with a difficult duty... to have to focus on someone else so heavily, while you're still young. Are you sure he's being honest with you? I'd ask him to sign a release of information, for the right to talk to any/all of his Drs. Practicing addicts, sorry to say, are usually liars about their use, and manipulative, as well. Addiction has taken such a toll on so many people I know, including myself. I guess I'm concerned why you'd want to take it on. Sure, it could be good news, but it could really take a toll on you. I'd suggest he find a great Psychiatrist, to get a good diagnosis of his condition and perhaps be on an antidepressant, preferably a Dr. familiar with addiction. Both sleeping pills and Klonopin can be addictive to an addict.
Also, he may want to find out the truth about his seizures by seeing a Neurologist; then, a good addiction therapist, group therapy and/or get to many 12 step meetings, where he can meet up with people who are really trying to stay clean/sober. And, he may end up with a job by networking with clean & sober people. But, he really has to want to fight this thing, given his past. There's simply no halfway measures with this disease. And, I'd also suggest for you to try Nar Anon or Al Anon meetings, for those with alcoholic/addict significant others and family members. It helps you to focus on your own life, and so that if he goes back to addiction, you have options. Be careful not to enable his continuing use. Just sayin' from experience, not judging. Good luck and I wish you the best. Jillian
I am going out on a limb here and probably will upset you. First of all Tramadol is the medication they give to people who were on opiates and can't really handle them well, through addiction or dependence. Unless you take practically enough to kill you, it can't easily make you that sick or stoned, did he attempt suicide that night? Something else is going on and he may have taken another drug with it. The clonazepam (Klonopin) is appropriate for seizure disorders and is approved for bi-polar disorder too, which may be the reason he started self medicating to begin with, one thing it just really doesn't do is keep you awake all night... it is a pretty strong benzodiazapine, which is considered a minor tranquilizer and used for sleep and other serious stress related mental health issues.
but unless you are on something else it just does not keep you awake in almost all cases, I know of. I am on 6 mg a day for five years and never had it keep me up all night. I think probably there is some other medication reaction, or he is on speed, cocaine or something else and not talking about it. In any case and every case, this is what I do believe... and I have had a lot of friends that were addicts and lied. You can't fix it. You can't change him. Ya, they will say they have been off drugs for years, if it gets them back with you, but 8 months is not long and you probably are not being told the whole truth. If he is depressed it may be the core issue so he needs to try to go to a mental health clinic and get help. I hope he is not like me with serious spinal pain issues that absolutely require me given strong opiates, even if I have to be hospitalized for dependence or withdrawal at some point, some pain is so bad it must be treated regardless. Drug addicts should not be allowed to suffer terrible pain, even if they have a problem with addiction, that is what I believe. However the big thing here is, he must accept he has depression and probably a mental illness that drives his need to self medicate and no matter what you do, you won't cure that. Also, finding jobs is one thing mentally ill and serious drug addicts don't do well, he may never get one and be doing other things instead. The drugs you speak of seem that he may have taken them with his normal drug and it made it react stronger that is all, also the doctor prescriptions could just be a cover story for what is really going on here, people lie. I would say to him, I love you... I hope you get help and I hope you are not really sick, but I suggest you go to a mental health clinic, and get counseling and an evaluation by a psychiatric nurse or psychiatrist and he starts his healing path. However it probably is going to be a long and painful one and you alone must decide if that is a ride you want to go on. Personally if I had it to do again with one of my addicted boyfriends (I am 50 now) I would NOT do it. Well I just think he is lying and still on drugs, not just those prescriptions, and I hope you do what is the best thing for you... not him. His mental health is not your responsibility. I know some people will get angry at me for saying this but, it sounds beyond your ability to help him right now until he is in a program and dealing with the real issues behind his behavior... we just can't fix em' as much as we wish we could, we can't... we can love them and wish them well... but we can't fix them. We must ask ourselves why do we go back to them, why do we put up with it... why? Then we can be honest with ourselves and get better too. special hugs... Amanda
Amlogue I'm sorry but I agree with the others I honestly think instead of running back to you and your love he is running from his problems. Thinking you are willing to take care oof him when he won't take care of his self. Sweety you were find without him and you can be find with out him now. Don't take the lies don't support him when he isn't supporting himself. You can do better don't drag yourself into the past hell he put you through go to the future get out of this cycle before its to late once you start being an enabler you will attract more men more people who want you to carry them through life. Life is hard don't make it harder than you have to find your own stregnth and independance its not your job or responsibility to carry him on yur shoulders he's a big boy he needs to stop waiting for someone to carrry him around. Take care of yourself stand strong don't back down.
You have a lot of great advise people who will stand by you. Be strong and confident in what you have already told us you know in your heart and mind you will find relief in your choice and realize what is best. Big hugs take care of you. Jaime
I know its been said a million times to you and myself, but theres nothing you can do. Sometimes kicking them out of your life and letting them hit rock bottom is the best thing you can do, sometimes being morally supportive but not physically supportive is the best thing. It depends on the person really. One of the firs things they teach you in AA and NA meetings is to accept powerlessness over your addiction and this hold true when it come to relationships with addicts as well. You are powerless in his addiction, this does not mean he doesn't love you and never feel like your not enough because im sure even he knows your plenty enough for him to want to be clean, the problem is he may not realize that HE is acctually enough for him to want to be clean. My boyfriend of 5 years recently broke up with me because he is tired of putting me through the ups and downs of his addiction.
Its only been 2 weeks and it is rough, but distance and the fear of losing me may be the best thing that has ever happened to our relationship. He can not possibly be treating you in the way you deserve and you deserve the world. You should never settle for less. Just as it is completely up to him to get help and break this addiction, it is up to you to break your addiction to him. Dating an addict/ being in love can become an addiction in itself.
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