she was dying of breast cancer.It was awful, but I got to spend every day with her. In 1999, the next best friend died of Lou Gherig's disease, 2 months after that, my husband of 15 years died of a thorasic aortic aneyurism (sp). This was all horrible. Now, just a little bit ago, my final really good friend came by to tell me she has a malignant mass in her brain. I am beside myself with sorrow and worry for her. She wants my help, but, what if I'm not strong enough mentally, physically, or emotionally? Noone has to respond, I guess I just needed to vent... sorry, y'all.
I feel for you. It is hard to lose so many so close to you! My 17y/o son just lost one of his best friends, another 17y/o boy, from an inoperable brain tumor. This boy hadnt even been diagnosed that long. He started having headaches last semester and went to the Dr and they thought it was a couple other things until they finally did a scan, after he wasnt getting any better, and found out it was cancer. My son just went to visit him in the hospital and that very night the boy passed away. It has been really hard on my son. I think it is just a loss that hits so close to home and he (my son) begins to realize his own mortality and 17 is SO young!! I had two young cousins who both commited suicide at age 17 so I learned quite young about mortality too. You expect elderly people to get sick and pass away but you just dont expect young and vital people to get sick and die! It is hard, but you must do what is right in your heart.
It wont be an easy decision either way! If you dont help her you will likely feel guilty and if you do help, you know what is hard about that!! I think that you will find that you are stronger than you think! Somehow we always seem to endure when we need to. Have her look into hospice to help. Hospice is amazing in how much they help, not only the person who is dying, but the people left behind to deal with it. They also help so much to make things as easy for the one who is ill as humanly possible. They help with any pain control and help the patient in keeping with their wishes for how they want to pass. If they want to stay in their home, they do all they can to make it happen with dignity. I really encourage people who have a friend or relative with a terminal diagnosis to get all the help from hospice as they can. Have your friend talk to her Dr and he can order it. If the patient decides at any time that they no longer want hospice help then they just have to say so and hospice will bow out. I know of very few people who wish this once hospice comes in to help!
Hello hillbillygirl45. Long ago I stopped asking why. I am an atheist and while most of the members will offer a prayer, I can't and don't. But you are in my thoughts and you'll find the strength to do what you've done before. Simply being yourself and being there for her. As you were for your husband, and other loving friends you knew. Best wishes and good thoughts, pledge
I am so very sorry about your losses. And the fact that your best friend is ill.
I just want you to know I am in your corner.
Have you ever heard the saying about God never giving us more than we can handle? I am no bible thumper but I tend to think of that when the going gets rough for me.
I will say a prayer for strength for you, and healing for your friend.
Love to you and yours,
Hi hillbillygirl,I'm sure no one of us is stroung enough to do what you know your gonna do.But some how we find the inner strenth to do what we have to.The only thing worse would be if you were not there for your friend.Cause then you would have to deal with regret and guilt.And we all know that there's no pill to take for that.I lost 4 friends and my dad since i joined this site and so many of you helped me without even knowing that you were.So now i'm back in therapy cause one of the people i lost was my counsler when i first got on sub for my pain management.my new counslor was schooled in greif counsoling.for some reason we are all where we are supposed to be.the universe works in wonderious ways... truly sorry to hear about your friend.vent all you need then vent some more.we will all be here for you... pete
Dear Anna, I am here to share with you and hopefully help a lilttle if I can. I first learned about loss at 12 yrs old when I watched my sister die of cancer. When I was 19 My uncle who was like a father to me, because my father was a chronic alchoholic, died of cancer. At 21 I lost my very best friend in the whole entire world ever, my mom. At 23 I lost my dad. After that I lost all my grandparents. But the hardest thing I ever went through ever, was the attempted suicide of my two older sons. Yes both of them tried to commit suicide on two seperate occasions. I don't share this with many people, and know allot will read, but if it will help you, or anyone else, then so be it. My one son at the time was in jail for something he didn't do. He called me one night crying. He wanted to come home. This is hard to tell. For once, I couldn't save my baby. It broke my heart in millions of pieces. I wanted to hug him and couldn't. He was several states away from me.
I got a call the next day and he was in a straight jacket in a cell by himself under suicide watch. He had tried to hang himself. Again... I almost fainted. The nurse said he wasn't doing well at all, and I couldn't talk to him. I just hung the phone up and sat in a chair and balled like a baby. He was looking at 3 to 6 yrs in prison. He got out on probation. It has been about 3 years now and he is doing great. My other son is too. But the experience did something to me that I cannot explain to anyone. Almost losing my sons. And having to worry that he would do it again while he was in there for 6 months. I had a nervous breakdown. Literally. They are both doing so incredibbly well today though. I on the other hand live with the what if's. I have a four yr old, and I will start to cry just thinking about something happening to him. I am a christian. And I do believe God will not put more on us than we can bear. I believe we learn from our experiences no matter how painful they are. Some people don't believe that, and that's ok. But I do. I have my own beliefs. But it doesn't mean that I don't fight my own battles every day. But I fight those battles for them. The people that I love. I know it's hard on you. I know you think you cannot even fathom seeing one more person go. I have been there. But pray for strength my friend. Reach down and grab whatever strength you can for them. I will pray that you get the guidance and the strength you need to deal with this very difficult situation. And it is one. I hope I have helped a little. I feel your pain, and wish you didn't have to feel it. But remember... this too shall pass! This too shall pass. With all my love, your friend, Ruth
Hey Hillbilly, rant, rant, rant!! If that makes you feel better, and someone can give you some words of strength, by all means use them!! I have some very special friends here on DC whom I email, and speak with on the phone. They are my life line. I can't compare stories, though I have been through what you are going through also. It seems the older we get the more experience we get out of life, be it good or bad, or just experience.
You have found a great place to rant and rave. use it!! Find friends who you can relate to. Perhaps you will find new close friends, though no one will ever take the place of those who you have lost. You just have to keep making new experiences too.
I hope that you find some peace here, or wherever it is that you find peace. I will be thinking of you,
Haven't been on the site for awhile, but wanted to offer my prayers and good thoughts to you also.
I watched my mom nurse her mom with terminal cancer when I was 10, then her dad died suddenly 2 1/2 years later. My sibs and I took care of our mom till she passed in '99. When we called relatives on my dad's side of the family (they were divorced), we were told over the phone that our dad had passed just two months earlier--- but no one had told us!
My husband's best friend of 30 years passed in '03 and then in February a good friend passed from lung cancer--and she wasn't even 70 yet...
I know these are not as bad as what you have faced and are facing, but everyone seems to have their stories of pain and loss--- so we can all understand what you are going through.
Write whenever you need us--someone will always be here.
Mary, the madhatter.
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