Am I the only one who questions their purpose here on earth? I'm 45, in constant pain from Lupus and degenerative disk disease, I have high blood pressure that despite so many doctors, can not get regulated, my job is beyond stressful, my young adult children still living at home are less than helpful, My world fell apart 10 years when ago when My Dad died and even further 5 years ago when I lost my husband. I'm trying to see a purpose but quite honestly if everyone knew the thoughts that went through my head or the prayers I pray at night, they would be greatly disappointed in me.
Dear Tired - I am so sorry to hear of your many troubles. I am in similar situation, many medical problems and in last 2 years have lost my sister, my dad, and an uncle I was super close to. I have been totally disabled since I was 36 and can barely get out of bed much less leave the house. That is a major big deal for me and consists mainly of Doctors, pharmacy's and grocery when I have to. It saddens me to think of the person I used to be compared to the pain ridden, do nothing person I am now. My grandmother used to say there is always a reason to live. Sometimes we have to dig down deep to find it, but, its there. I will add you to my prayer list and hope you find that special reason to keep going. I so understand how you feel, I have been there. My 1st few yrs of disability I was afraid to tell anyone how I really felt. Near my darkest hour I finally opened up to a long term doc who did a lot to help me, such as other docs to treat depression.
The "getting it all out" helped me tremendously. I am here for you if you want or need someone to talk to. Don't throw in the towel. There are many tomorros left and any of them could be the one that changes everything for you. Please speak with your doctor about how you are feeling, just like you did on here. Don't candy coat it - tell it as it really is. There is so much available today that was not here just 5 yrs ago to help with how you are feeling. You will be in my thoughts, ChelleKay
Hello and thank you for your brave post. I feel so alone and so useless and then I saw your question and I I read it and the reply you received and I felt a little less alone. Thank you for that.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss and I can totally relate to how your feeling. I suffer from major depression, chronic pain, degen disc disease, fibromyalgia and chronic migraines. I have a special needs adult child I still care for and two other children at home, no family help, my dad was murdered and my mom is a drug addict and not in my life since I was 15. My husband of 10 years divorced me for a younger woman 6 years ago and that really took all the wind out of my sails. I have had to tell myself we must be here for a reason even though I often question what that reason would be. I know that your sharing hoe you feel is a huge step in the right direction and it sure helped me to open up about how I feel and maybe that is a start, sharing and being open will help you and help others who feel like you do. I don't know if you see anyone as far as therapy or who you have to open up to but I think that is a great starting point. I don't have anyone I tell how I feel and I keep it all to myself and try not to let anyone know what I really think out of fear they would take my kids away from me if they knew how much I wish I could sleep for eternity.
I use to have a career and be active in my community and now I can't even shower without pain and having to lay down afterwards completely exhausted from washing myself. I don't go out unless I have to, embarrassed I isolate because I am so ashamed of the weight I have gained and how I have let myself go over the past 6 years due to my pain being so severe I have no physical activity. You are not alone, I get it and I don't know about you but my children don't seem to give me a break, they seem to see me as "lazy" and complain that I am "always tired" and well they are right, I am always tired but that sure doesn't stop them from placing constant demands on me.
I am sorry for going on about my own stuff, I just relate to hownyou and the first person that sent you a reply are feeling it just really made me think about my own lot in life and you both help me to know I am not all alone. Thank you for that and please know I will think of you and say prayers for you. Missy M
I'm sorry you have so much to deal with. You said that you pray about it, so I know you have faith. I am also holding onto my faith since it's the only way I can deal with my pain and embarrassment caused by a sudden onset of my RX induced movement disorder, which occurred 9 years ago. As for your wondering about your purpose in life, I recommend you reflect on The Lord's prayer, because he has something better in store for mankind. Someday the pain and suffering we have to endure for now, will seem like nothing compared to a life with no sickness. That promise is found at Isaiah 33:24, and that's my only source of encouragement.
Hang in there, you do have a purpose and that is to be there for your kids. I have Avn of five joints and have a body that's falling apart, literally! I too am on my own with kids, and know that in the wee hours of the night you think, just shoot me! I'm also working full time and it can be tough. You are tougher and will find the inner strength to keep going and do what it is you have been put on this world to do. My degenerative discs in my spine give me more pain at the moment than my avn. I am doing water hydrotherapy four times a week, to keep everything moving, strong and flexible. It also strengthens your muscles up to support those weak bones. Get a physio to set up a program for you and get in the pool, walking exercises only to start. It will help circulation too, which may assist with your high blood pressure and I find it relaxing and a place to clear my head. It's the only time my body doesn't hurt when non weight bearing so it gives me a time out.
I go straight after work and my teenage boys know that tea now comes later and they assist to get dinner out. Food rules their life! So they jump in. Sometimes... it's ready when I get home. Worth a try. I also take Zoplicone to help sleep. If it doesn't react with your other medication, it might be worth discussing it with your doctor. Hope this helps. Remember if you don't have a pulse, it means your dead and you DON'T want that, you will get through this and see the rainbow that's there just for you. Take care.
I too suffer from chronic pain & systemic Lupus.
Everything you spoke about I can relate to. Especially, "the reason for living" Some days when the pain is so unbearable you wonder why you were born on this Earth? I tell good friends of mine I was born to be a patient. When I can work I do however most of my life is spent going from one doctor to another.
Without getting to personal you mentioned that you have faith.
Use that faith & expand your believes in God. As painful as our days are where all here for a reason!
Reside in a friend, preist or one of your children of whom you feel closest too. Let them know that you're suffering physically & emotionally.
Whoever it is my friend don't go it alone. Ask for help?
Finally, if you feel closer speaking to members who too suffer like us there's always someone on this site that's willing to listen.
Good luck my friend!
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