Factfinder. hello. it is time to talk, i think. I hear your pain and recognize you are feeling over the top with emotion. This sounds very stressful. There are things you can do.
First, that threat ought to have been reported to the police. Get a restraining order. It is smart and will relieve tension. Do not put up with a bully.
Second, the process with anxiety works like this: fear makes anxiety. Anxiety creates depression. Depression makes us feel like a victim. Don't be a victim. Hence the report. I have read and heard too many stories how that situation can get out of hand. Anyone who threatens is a real danger.
Third, seeing the therapist is good. Find out some strategies to use. Find out why the guy needs to be reported. Stay in the present no matter what events got you to this point.
Fourth stay somewhere safe where hubby can't get at you and others are present. A witness was perfect.
Fifth, too many benzos are capable of impairing your judgement. This is right at a time when you need to be sharp and focused. Work with your doctor, psychiatrist, to find a proper mix for you. I get zonked on Xanax and if I were in your shoes, there is no way I would want to be at less than perfect. Some tension is actually productive. Avoid remembering all the bad stuff. You can't fix it. But you can learn from it. If you haven't, see idea 3.
Sixth. I use to work with people threatened and fearful like you. They underplay the threat and become helpless. They sometimes don't make it out alive. They downplay the guy. Whatever happened in your marriage, know that it can be worse many times over from someone who bullies and is now very angry. If you have children they should be nowhere where this drama is occurring. Your job as a mother is to protect them.
Seven. You will be fine in the future. Your skills will build. You will find that tough part we all have and defy how you are now looked at. Whatever labels you have, you will be able to show they were false and temporary. All women are very tough. We have babies, protect our families, care and nurture. You can do this. You can find strength you had no idea was in you.
Eight. Rely upon those who know. Get help from friends or family. Trust those who really care. Be it one or ten. When you are busy becoming stronger the anxiety lifts. Depression moves aside. Fear isn't a possibility. Then reliance in a pill will leave. Rely upon your inner nature. You can do this as millions have done before you.
I once was briefly married to a man who was a bully. He did some very hurtful things. I felt like nothing. No self esteem. Driving in a car he didn't like something I said and smashed me in the face. Broke my nose. Still I was afraid to leave. Then he set fire to the house. I got out with seconds to spare. He had moved out a couple weeks before that. I finally realized he had a gun. A friend called and said he was going to use it. Do you get it?
Benzos wont save you. action will. Karen