... years old. I have had over 46 surgeries & have many incurable & painful diseases. I see my past traumas like a movie in my head that is either always playing or all the sudden starts playing at the weirdest times. And I have horrible realistic nightmares. Ive been on medication on & off for 27 years. I have seen over 100 different therapists, psychologist & psychiatrist. None have ever helped. I have no friends & I can count my family on one hand, none of whom are there for me. I'm almost completely bed bound due to my diseases. I get out of the house only to go to doctor's appointments. I'm so sad, my heart physically hurts. I just wondered if any one had advice on how to live with PTSD.
Thank you!
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - I have PTSD from being extremely abused in every way beginning at 3
- Asked
- 7 Oct 2013 by llcmal
- Updated
- 9 Oct 2013
- Topics
- depression, post traumatic stress disorder, disease, disorder
Details:
Responses (4)
bhouse
7 Oct 2013
Hon, you have been thru so much. More than most. We all need to feel loved and appreciated by friends and Family. That is what gets us thru so much. Thru the past years, my family has helped me get thru a lot of things. I suffer from depression/anxiety. It started in 1999 when I had breast cancer, went thru treatment, survived it. Then my daddy got cancer and for a year, we siblings got together and helped him thru the last year of his life. My mother could not have done it on her on. After that, I needed depression meds. Been on them ever since. After dad died, mom moved in with me for 10 yrs. We then had to put her in a nursing home. I could not do it anymore. She is 91 yrs old. I visit her often and my mind is constantly thinking of her. I am sad most of the time. Prayers from friends and family have helped me thru this. Jesus, my Lord and Savior, is always there for me.
RonMan
7 Oct 2013
I can only offer support. I have had MD for 50 years, but only really got effective treatment in the last 2-3 years. I say that because there is always hope. The events that triggered mine happened when I was 10 years old. I spent a year in fear and terror at school. The fear and terror went away, the affects, turned into the MD that I still suffer from 50 years later, but that I finally got relief from.
I say this only because I don't want you to give up hope. I did, and almost died. Please believe that somehow, someway, it can get better. I don't hold any magic keys, I don't know any magic drugs, though I keep an eye on every release of every new drug that comes out (a new MD drug was just released last week, I have not researched the studies, but it really looks interesting).
Have faith somehow. I will keep mine in you.
RonMan
llcmal
7 Oct 2013
Thank you so much! I need to really try and have more hope. A few years ago, I tried to take my own life. The pain was unbearable, I felt like my family would be better off without me. It's a struggle every day as I'm sure you struggle as well. It helps to talk to people that understand what you are going through. You inspired me to keep the faith once again. And, you will be in my thoughts & prayers as well.
endlessPred
7 Oct 2013
Hello. I have gone through too much PTSD starting at 18 months. Just a baby, really. One does not have to live with PTSD. Yes, you have seen a lot of therapists, but a hundred in that time means you have not spent enough time with a good therapist. No magic pills for this condition. However, the film in your head is there because you watch it. And 27 years of that means you have an immediate track on your brain that absolutely takes you there whenever you are not focused on something else. It runs all the time, doesn't it? Very difficult and too many tears, I think.
endlessPred
7 Oct 2013
Tolin (2012), Face Your Fears: a proven plan to beat anxiety, panic, phobias, and obsessions. Wiley.
Available as an eBook for Kindle and other electronic books as well.
Suggested by Dr. Craig Sawchuk at Mayo Clinic, anxiety research division.
llcmal
8 Oct 2013
I absolutely will take your advice and purchase the book you recommended. I am reading a book now called "Peace from broken pieces " by Iyanla Vanzant that has been helpful. I am more than ready to heal. Everyone 's comments & support have really helped me as well. Everything you said regarding PTSD was so true. Thank you so much! Would you mind if I added you as a friend?
kaw06
7 Oct 2013
My heart goes out to you being through so much! as far as dealing with ptsd, I guess it depends on how your brain works, and what eases the memories for the individual person. I find when I talk about it, my dreams start in again but with some people I'm sure talking helps. I try to tell myself that I'm a stronger person and it's not my problem it was theirs. I like to think That God watches, and he does keep score. Prayers to you:^))
llcmal
8 Oct 2013
Your post shows that you have a deep inner strength. I'm sure PTSD hasn't been easy on you either. There are times when talking does help. But, if I am really depressed it's like my brain is on repeat. I love what you said about God keeping score! May you & your family be blessed. And, thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. :o)
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Thank you so much for your caring response. I'm so sorry that you had breast cancer & so happy you survived. It must have been so difficult for you & your family when your father passed. Thank God for your family. Bless your heart, you've been through a lot as well.
Some of the diseases I have are fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis, gastroparesis, COPD, neuropathy, diabetes, the list just goes on and on. Most recently in April 2012, the night of my sons 18th birthday, I fell to the bathroom floor in excruciating pain. I laid there for 3 1/2 hours, praying that it would pass & I wouldn't ruin my son's birthday. And, then mentally I broke. I think I had a nervous breakdown. 911 was called and I was rushed to the hospital.
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Only to find out that my colon literally tore in half. They said had I waited a few minutes longer, I would have died. I was in critical care for 9 days. I was cut almost in half & had 3 tubes sewn in my stomach, I had blood transfusions & almost died again. You would think that would be bad enough but, it was just the tip of the iceberg. I had a horrific surgeon that turned out to be a monster. I wont get into too much detail but, he cut two large wounds in my stomach (in his office with no numbing medicine at all) He said I would "heal quicker ". He did this on 5 different occasions. The last time (and all the times before) he put his entire hand in the top wound and tore through my stomach muscles & his hand came out the other wound. He broke off 4 of those really long q -tips in my stomach, tried to get them out with tweezers, dropped the tweezers in my stomach & dug those out with scissors.
I begged him not to do it each time. I finally stopped getting any post operative care. I couldn't get any other surgeon to "step on his toes " & see me. I had repeated trips to the hospital during this as well. I went into acute kidney failure & got a staph /MRSA type of infection called c-diff. And this doctor sat down with a smile on his face & counted that I should have died 8 times during all of this. I had two large gaping wounds that had to be packed & unpacked daily with gauze for 5 months! My family wasn't there. I have never felt more alone in my life.
Now because of what he did, I have a grapefruit sized hernia in my stomach & am terrified of getting another surgery. I saw a surgeon for his opinion & he basically said if I don't get surgery, the hernia will continue to grow, become more painful & possibly tear my colon again. But because of all my prior surgeries, the success rate would be 5% & there was a 85-90% chance that I would die within the next 6 months after surgery. My family will not be there for me anymore than they were the last time. I have often said what makes people strong enough to get through tragedies are the loved ones standing with them. I don't have that. I don't know how I will get through it physically, emotionally or mentally.
I'm only 40 years old. 12 inches of my colon was removed not to mention the other 45 surgeries I have had the past 20+ years. I am so sorry that this post is so long. I think you are right. Sometimes talking about things can help. And, I haven't had anyone to talk to. I do pray. But I have been angry with God for my Daddy (who was my best friend) passing away when I was 19 & all of the other horrible things that have happened. I do feel like I'm talking to a brick wall at times. But, I hope God forgives my anger & frustration & hears my prayers.
Again, thank you for reaching out to me. And, I'll try to not be such a motor mouth in the future! :o)
Let out the frustration, honey. You have every right to support even from folks you may never meet in person. Don't give up. God does hear our prayers though he may not answer them as we expect. He loves you and wants you to prosper. It is hard to understand why bad things happen to good people. Remember you are not alone and feel free to talk to us anytime.
Thank you! It truly does help to know that people care!