To the kindest, most giving woman/person on this site,
Because life is hard, damnit! Especially when one has something, an ailment that causes it to be even MORE difficult, as you do, my friend!
I imagine that having BPD, (as one of my best friends that I don't talk to anymore had) would be like living with ALL EMOTIONS blown up to a giant proportion, EVERTHING!! That sounds horrible, difficult, and just not fair damnit all. Sadness, joy, irritability, anger, love, hate and all of them, especially anxiety, would just be so F'ing hard to manage.
I do know this, though, some of the most famous, creative, funny and brilliant people in this word, throughout history, suffer from BPD, actors, writers, math geniuses ( or would that be genius-i? Plural for genius... anyone?) doctors, artists, and every profession seem to have a plethora of people who suffer from it!!
But, whether it is a physical ailment, physical pain or mental anguish, we all seem to have some cross to bear.
I'd take physical pain over mental pain ANY day. I've been so depressed that I couldn't eat, barfed up my food when I DID eat, shook, and thought I'd lose my marbles, and I've had pain so bad that I wanted to bang my friggin' head against the wall. But, that mental, emotional pain was WAY worse!!
Everyday you get out of bed and you help people Laurie, you do this, it would seem as second nature! How many people can love like YOU do? That IS love, what you do is love! You do deserve a pity party, but you DO NOT deserve to remove yourself from this earth before your maker has decided.
I gotta get my thoughts together, will bore you more in a minute!