The last mania I went through in summer/fall 2010 I experience full mania instead of extreme hypomania. I used to have some thought errors like my molecules were coming apart and I was being drawn into the earth etc. This time I was very paranoid and delusional. I saw conspiracies everywhere all coming back to a certain group of people I had tied together. My confusion occurs on many levels. 1. On some level I knew eventually I was behaving e]irrationally. I sought help and continued my behavior because I felt compelled to do so and was unable to cope at all with anything without giving into the constant craving for at least a significant amount of time everyday where it interfered with my life big time. Is it normal to be able to recognize irrational behavior and if so still not be able to stop the behavior? 2. Why do I still feel so strongly about the conspiracy still being true? Part of me want some more mania to delve back into the conspiracy. Is that typical? How do people deal with those thoughts? Is there a specific type of therapy? 3. I've been the victim of real discrimination recently, confirmed by my wife and many others and I am pursuing a resolution. Can I expect to go into the people who actually did commit injurious acts against me or am I going back to the conspiracy I've been working on? I've realized in the course of writing this that my phrasing may be an indication of some still ongoing paranoia issues I have yet to deal with and are still clearly in my mind. I'm not changing the wording. I'm feeling lost. Any help? Thanks, Michael