I am 53 years old, I have took valium for almost 20 years for this mess. I was in a abusive 1st marriage, a boy & girl now 32 & 29,and doing great for themselves. & even after leaving the 16 yr marriage the abuse continued mostly verbally. I did re-marry to a wonderful man a year later. But at work I was so hateful and mean to people, I went to the Dr. to tell him my actions. That's when he put me on valium. My co-workers told me later that when I got to work, they could tell by LOOKING at me what kind of mood I was in, and knew when NOT to talk to me, only AFTER I started the valium. (I'm shaking right now) !! My son was 11 when I re-married & stayed with my his dad, my daughter who was older stayed with me, both were in on getting beat also, so they knew. I sent my daughter through school, my ex went to jail for awhile for drugs, I worked full time, had for years, And took my son in who was helping his daddy at 13-16 yrs old. At 17 he got a girl pregnant. I had to take care of that. I need to back up. A year b4that, in 2003 I had cervical cancer, had a radical hysterectomy which went ok, they took everything & more after a couple yrs. ignoring my body & taking care of my ailing father. I came home on a Fri., & was called that Sunday to hear he had had a massive heart attack & I had to tell them to unplug my daddy, (no mom since 7yrs.old). I traveled 60 miles 1 way to make arrangements, my now husband had to carry me like a baby to the car, then back again to funeral, I NEVER had help EVER !! All this time the valium were saving me. I didn't mention that in 2001 I lost my brother at the age of 39 , he drank his self to death, & YES I took care of him. This is not half, so I will get to the point. My Dr. I have now is taking me off of valium. I have begged & pleaded. He wont let you talk, gives me stuff I DO NOT TAKE, I just need my valium !!! My children say I'm OCD, & I do want things done my way or nothing !! Since, I have been a wreck, I can't think straight, the mood is back, worst of all, "MIGRAINS" !! And Bad ones. Where I live is a small town, and druggies all around, so Dr's wont give you what you need for all my aches & pains unless you go to a pain clinic, and now he is telling me he is Not suppose to write valium, if he does, he needs a letter from a psychiatrist, no counselor. I have went from a size 10 to a 4 !! ( YEA its right) don't eat, sleep, I don't socialize with friends anymore. I start something, go to another all the time. I have tried it all over the years. Zoloft, Paxil, Buspar, which when I took it couldn't walk straight, and many more. I don't like any more than any one else, but I CANNOT DO THIS !!! Xanax will help, but he is taking me off & I cant afford a psychiatrist, I can barely see him. I lost my baby brother the same way as the 1st in 08, My husband is a diabetic with bad circulation, He has had 3 operations from his groin to below the knee to replace veins & arteries, plus 3 more for stints and a bypass. I took 3 blue #10's for 18 years, Now I get 1 yellow #5 a day. I go several days without so I can have 1 good day, but taking a big chance on a Migraine. So there you go. I NEED HELP... I NEED HELP. I have never done nothing more than a speeding ticket & going back, my son had 2 boys which I have raised because the LEFT !!! Somebody say something. This has took me 2 hours to type !!!