... on subutex and still have relapsed again on oxy and roxy. now as usual up to over 1,000mg a day. this has cost me a great company which i started from scratch which is almost bankrupt, my personalize finances are gone then some, my once pristine reputation is spent, i was very, very fit and active now i'm in pathetic condition and 35lbs heavier, my mind and body are a wreck and booom another relapse. each time off seems the cravings never completely go away. as though when life gets a bit stressed, the night gets quite and alone, or i just get that creeping anxious feeling that never seems to go away i try it again. telling myself ok now its two days in a row but your ok, then its 5 days in a row n if i quit now it a be a little bumpy but i can do it, then its 2 weeks and if i quit now its gonna be a challenge so i continue, then its over a month of daily use of 20 to 40 pills a day and snap... its got me again. is it just me or does your mind constantly think about it, crave it, miss it, all the while your feeling anxious, edgy, foggy, and i just never seem to get back to the old me. ive gone nearly 3 months at the most but most times its between one to 3 weeks and boom back on the shit. i'm taking supplements prescribed by my doc, trying to eat well and rest, hell my father actually shadowed me every day 24/7 by living with me, going to work with me, going to dinner with me. i mean he did not leave my side for 3 months except for me to go to the bathroom and some how i managed to screw it up and get my hands on it again. this is number 6 in 3 and a half years and i am running out of chances. i just know it. something is going to give. we all know the story, go to jail, die or quit. and my quitting hasnt done so well. does the craving ever really leave. i feel defeated, depressed, ashamed, guilty, pathetic, and down right hopeless that even if i dont do it, it will always pray on my mind. how do you fight the constant cravings and temptations. every stressful event or situation i find myself in at work or personal life i find myself taking it to ease the anxiety of the moment. and the way i have destroyed my life those occassions are common. it as though it is my irreplacable coping mechanism which has destroyed me. between the cravings and my urge to use it as a stress buster... i have destroyed what once was a very envialbe and wonderful life. quitting is not that easy as we know with withdrawals ans such, staying quit seems impossible. HELP TO STAY OFF AND BEAT THE WITHDRAWALS LONG TERM AND TEMPTATION TO USE IT AS A COPING DEVICE TO EVERY STRESSFUL SITUATION