... on subutex and still have relapsed again on oxy and roxy. now as usual up to over 1,000mg a day. this has cost me a great company which i started from scratch which is almost bankrupt, my personalize finances are gone then some, my once pristine reputation is spent, i was very, very fit and active now i'm in pathetic condition and 35lbs heavier, my mind and body are a wreck and booom another relapse. each time off seems the cravings never completely go away. as though when life gets a bit stressed, the night gets quite and alone, or i just get that creeping anxious feeling that never seems to go away i try it again. telling myself ok now its two days in a row but your ok, then its 5 days in a row n if i quit now it a be a little bumpy but i can do it, then its 2 weeks and if i quit now its gonna be a challenge so i continue, then its over a month of daily use of 20 to 40 pills a day and snap... its got me again. is it just me or does your mind constantly think about it, crave it, miss it, all the while your feeling anxious, edgy, foggy, and i just never seem to get back to the old me. ive gone nearly 3 months at the most but most times its between one to 3 weeks and boom back on the shit. i'm taking supplements prescribed by my doc, trying to eat well and rest, hell my father actually shadowed me every day 24/7 by living with me, going to work with me, going to dinner with me. i mean he did not leave my side for 3 months except for me to go to the bathroom and some how i managed to screw it up and get my hands on it again. this is number 6 in 3 and a half years and i am running out of chances. i just know it. something is going to give. we all know the story, go to jail, die or quit. and my quitting hasnt done so well. does the craving ever really leave. i feel defeated, depressed, ashamed, guilty, pathetic, and down right hopeless that even if i dont do it, it will always pray on my mind. how do you fight the constant cravings and temptations. every stressful event or situation i find myself in at work or personal life i find myself taking it to ease the anxiety of the moment. and the way i have destroyed my life those occassions are common. it as though it is my irreplacable coping mechanism which has destroyed me. between the cravings and my urge to use it as a stress buster... i have destroyed what once was a very envialbe and wonderful life. quitting is not that easy as we know with withdrawals ans such, staying quit seems impossible. HELP TO STAY OFF AND BEAT THE WITHDRAWALS LONG TERM AND TEMPTATION TO USE IT AS A COPING DEVICE TO EVERY STRESSFUL SITUATION
I know how you feel, I have been on 360mg of oxy/day for 3 years and I think about it every day - the oxy's keep you in a haze where you don't care about anything and nothing can hurt you. It is so hard to imagine a life in which you have to literally feel EVERYTHING! the only advice I can give is to try and build a new life and remove yourself form any and all contact with people that make you want to use and also people that help you obtain oxy's. they say you won't be able to really quit unless you "hit bottom" can you try and figure out what your bottom is? what would devastate you enough to make you want to stop despite the cravings? also, can you try and find a specialist that will work with you with anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds? I know once I was faced with losing my independence it made me want to quit - but I still WANT oxy's so bad I could cry. I just have to tell myself that it is not worth losing who I am.
you are more than your money and your company and your lifestyle. you are a person who deserves to be happy and the oxy's will never give you true happiness. I wish I had a clear cut answer for you but I don't all I can say is reach out to people on here because they are very supportive and try and cut all ties with dealers/doctors/people who enable you to use even if it means moving across the country and changing your number. you can do it - do not give up
Hi sikofit, and I bet you are sick of it!!! It sounds like you have lost yourself in opiate addiction. Do not lose hope, for it is all we have. I was in a similar situation about a year ago, and I am off the oxy for almost a year! I was prescribed Oxy for almost ten years. I never abused it, but addicted I became.
In my opinion, you must make a choice, make the decision and stick with it.
Perhaps this sounds over simplified, and maybe it is, but it worked for me.
People on this site have had great success with Suboxone. I did it cold turkey, but you are taking a lot of pain meds.
Please see a psychiatrist so you do not fall into that hole of depression, that yawning abyss can scare the poo out of anyone! Perhaps an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety med would keep you from relapse.
Please google Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, you will learn why you are feeling so badly. The serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine and endorphin centers of the brain are damaged, not working properly, and that is why you feel like sh*t. Knowledge is power. And opiate addiction is hell.
I wish you the best! Please post again, we care. No judgement here.
Hi guy; You and I both know where your next step has GOT TO BE ! ! 20 or 30 years ago, my best buddy "Top Cat" was in at least the same situation You are. "HaH", a wonderful friend "Fall Queen" said a joke about diggin' holes in the grave yard, that fits here,put me on the floor laughing, but for the life of me I can't remember it"... but the name of the game for you is JAIL.
"You up for it"? What I did was I went to the jail and set everything up, you know doctors, meds, money, a private cell, etc. Then I went back, got ol' "Top, knocked him out, threw him in the truck and took him to jail. A number I i'll never forget for a couple reasons l.o.l... they let him out "69" days later, new clothes, [jeans & t-shirt] YO! he'd been workin' out, hell, I didn't even recognise(sp?) him. They didn't let him out 'till he got a job... workin' on a trash truck. 5years later He bought the truck and the business. He was no longer MY best friend... now I was HIS best friend. He said I owe you my life. I said shit you do, you owe yourself your life. all I did was show you how to open the door! He died 3or 4 years ago. He left a Wife, 2kids, a bankroll, and a business with 6 packer trucks, worth close to a quarter million bucks and a hundred friends! To quote words from a wicked Lady with a wonderful song... "So Watcha gonna do now Boy"? ? God and your Spirit guide are right behind you and they won't ask you to do anything you can't handle. "Go For It Man, and God Bless YOU! You are now, THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE! ! ! ! Sacosam I AM
hi,sikofit,You can try all the detox techniques your money can buy. I read your story and all through the atemps you talked about how much you spent.your under the impression that you buy sobriety or at least rent it for long enough till something happens.you are ruining everyone's life around you. What is it that hurt you so bad that you wana drag everyone around you as far down as you are?you don't wana get better,cause then you wouldn't have anymore reasons to f-up.so go right ahead and keep hurting your father and anyone else who cares about you.then when your done you can stand back and say look how much pressure i was under that's why i had to use. when you decided your tired and Cant take it anymore maybe then you start to get better... pete... aka... subzero58
Hey Sikofit, There are different methods to get off opiates, such as AA or NA, cold turkey, Ibogaine, the Thomas recipe, but you hit the nail on the head, It's about staying off and being comfortable with that. My addiction therapist used Eugene Adler's way to treat us in group. It tackles the issues that helped lead to the addiction. For most addicts, there is a family history of addiction, and also emotional problems. It seemed to work pretty well for most of us in my group. Many who had detoxed and rehabbed before said that this group was different. I hope that you can find a therapist or group that can aid you to getting back to being you. Dr. Drew Pinsky may use this method, I am not positive, but it seemed very similar to our group. You may know him from Dr. Drew's celebrity rehab and Dr. Drew's sober house. When I was at my most dependent on Lortab, I didn't want to think that any of it was my fault, I was a victim.
I was in a way, but, I have a long family history of alcoholism and pill addiction just on my Mom's side. Many of us have major anxiety disorders. I found that our group really focused on getting over childhood trauma, and simply medicating a problem away. If you can find a therapist who uses the so called Adlerian method, it may aid you to staying off opiates.
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