I am now 26 of Aug 19th and I have been a user of opiates since roughly around 19-20ish shortly after my sister was killed in a car wreck. Im not sure if i really started using because of a deeper depression or simply because it was put in fronjt of me and I liked what it did to me. Either way, for the first few years it was kinda a thing where if I found someone with a bottle of some small perk 5's or etc i would buy it and have fun with it then that was it til the next time. Around 20-21 I had a steady supply of perks and small vicodens, sometimes other random opiate based pills but never any specific kind long enough to develop that true addicts preference. So I used regularly for around a year before i first realized I had a problem. Finally I came out to my mother about it around 21-22, detoxed and that was it for 6months to a year. Somehow or another I got back into the regular pill habit a couple more times during my 22nd and 23rd years and every time Id clean up stay straight and find my way back a few months. For a long time I told myself that I thought I was more mentally addicted than anything. Using a pill as some kinda control in my life or something. By 24 I was introduced to roxicet, this is where it got bad. I messed with it a few times withouyt it becoming a problem. Right around my 25th birthday was my first real run in with bad withdraw. I got into using roxcicets 20-60mg a day for prolly a few weeks or so, and stopped. The wd was bad for a good 3 days, but i made it and statyed clean till last xmas. A few small pills were put in front of me, before I knew it, I had a nice paying job and was right back to roxcicets, and by march of this year I knew I had to end the 4 month run. This time was terribly bad WD that lasted 5-10 days. During this time me and my onand off for 3 years girlfriend (you can imagine our relations suffered because of my using and eventual emotional abscence) broke up and I was all alone to deal with it. Other than a few xanax I managed to get I really had no aids or anything. I made it thorugh and was sure I was never go back after that hell.
Wellllll here I am now and I just stopped 36 hours ago. I started using again about a month ago and it quickly went to the roxicets, only this time ive caught myself in time i feel to make the change and get back on the 6month track I was on before I quit and end up with a terrible wd like before. So yesterday morning I did the last roxy and said farewell. I started feeling the WD around 3-4pm yesterday, I lasted till around 7 and decided this time I would try to go easier on myself so I decided to try a taper method this time. I got 18 vicoden 2.5 or 5's (not sure havent looked them up yet) but either way they are obviously far less than I was using. I took 2 when I got them and 2 a couple hours before bed. I wokeup this morning in full sweats, took 2 got through till 10:45 took 2 more. Then I went till around 3ish took 2 more. its now going on 8pm, Im going to go for 9-10pm before I take more if I do. I have definately been feeling WD symptoms all day because my body Is lowering its tolerance from using the roxcicets but its certainly not as bad as it was last time. Not yet. Which is what brings me to the questions/advice. This is the first time im trying to taper. I was only using for around a month so im trying to stay positive in telling myself it shouldnt be too bad, and thank god I caught it in time. If I taper for the next week - 2 weeks will the wd symptoms im feeling now from the immidiate dosage change go away? will they return when I stop using the taper pills ? Does anyone thing I shouldnt taper that long? maybe just enough time to let my body gets its tolerance way down then just dive in ? I need advice stories anything. I want so bad to get back on track and not feel bad about messing up. I jsut want to be a normal person that has a happy life. On top of all this my ex and I have started speaking again so my heart is wildely craving her.. Not helping the emotional side of things. Shes seeing some other guy and I just want her hear so bad. Things ended before for me and her because of pills and now we just started talking while im in need of detoxing. Im just in such a spot right now. I know now is the worst time to be trying anything emotional, and to make it worse i told her i messed up trying to be honest and it def put a hurt in her wanting to get back with me. which is hurting me more. non of its helping me right now. help me please. i just want my life back and to stay free! any tips on procedure please...