... opiates (oxycodone 30mg) for a couple years now. When we got together he seemed to have control over his addiction and recently it has been taking all of our money and time. Running from here to there to find him pills. There has even been a few times that he's lied to me about money, or where he was etc. He told me last night he wants to get off of them but I'm scared. We can not ask for support from our family because they don't know about it and when he withdrawls, he takes it out on me like its my fault. He becomes a completly different person and he's just so mean. I don't believe this is really going to be the changing point in his life but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to handle his addiction. I have no one I can talk to about it and I'm just sad, lost and lonely. If anyone understands or is going through what I am, please give me some kind of advice. All he seems to care about is his pills and I don't know what to do anymore. Please help
You are dealing with an addict and need to educate yourself about what that means. First and foremost he has got to want to get help and admit he has a problem before you can begin to help and be supportive. Once he admits he has a serious problem, then the two of you can search out the alternatives as far as getting him help for his addiction.
Two methods of opiate detox are the use of methadone or the use of Suboxone. Personally, I would choose the Suboxone, but you need to investigate both. A couple of sites to check out are:
Both of these sites discuss the use of Suboxone (buprenorphine) and methadone.
It is extremely important to take care of yourself as the illness of addiction affects the whole family. Concentrating on him and ignoring your own needs will only lead to more problems. I recommend Narcotics Anonymous for your husband and Nar Anon for yourself. You can google these and learn about these programs and find meetings near your location. Having the support of others confronting their loved one's addiction is critical.
We are here to help you anyway we can. Feel free to write and please do stay in touch,
Ask your husband to get on line with you and have him read some of the profiles. Like mine. i was too taking way to many pain pills, probably more then him. many people here have had or has his problem. Have him read profiles as i said and if he wants i bet anyone of us will try to help him. We says he wants to get help. This is where my help started. Tell him how you have hurt him, have him read the responses. Tell him I know His withdrawals stink, wow I hated them. One of the reasons why we kept using not to get sick not to get high. It is not easy and I feel bad lashes out at you. Trust me when we are withdrawing , detoxing we are miserable. I am not sticking up for him, I have no idea what you are goign through. Alexia, you started asking the right people, if he cares and wants to get clean get him on here to. If he is ready to go see a DR then he already knows, he must detox. He must do it, it does not get wished away.
Like others have said, there are pills that help with the withdrawals. Please tell him i will speak to him anytime.
I hope you get this resolved soon for his sake, you sound like a wonderful person and he will regret not listening to you.
alexsia id be more than happy to be here for you i wanna let you know there are alot of people going through what you are. you need to know dont be scare change your fear into stregnth. my question is to you though do you think he is gonna give it up will he goto councelling? you cant do this for him hes gotta wanna quit and do it for himself. i think you should talk to your family let them know what you are going through and have people to stand by you through this hard time. we will be here for you on dc as well but honey if your not happy and he is not gonna change im sorry my advise is that you need to change your living arrangements and do what is best for you and continue your life without him. i understand that you love him and care about his well being but you gotta take care of yourself as well.
this is not your fault so you need to do an intervention bring this pro into the light get with your family let them know that there is a problem and you need help because you care about him and they do to so you want him to detox from this addiction . let him make up his mind and if hes not gonna try then you need to go and move on with your life. you can pq me anytime or post on here there are alot of friends willing to help you through this difficult time. you need as many friends and family with you now trust in their love and understanding reach out for help. i have my hand or sholder here for you anytime you need it. iam sorry if this is kinda messed up but im very tired and it way passed my bedtime. please keep me posted youll be in my prayers please take care jaim
Hi alexsia - just as the others have and will tell you on this site, he is a full-blown addict, and apparently not ready to get help. He sounds like he's making excuses about Suboxone, etc., giving reasons for not wanting to quit yet, as we all do while using & before being ready! Addiction has run rampant in my family for decades (2 bros. & me) & I was a counselor for many years, as well. Thank God, we're all clean, now. The only bit I might add, because I was also married to an addict, who could be verbally abusive, is please try to focus on yourself first. Try not to get caught up into lying for him, getting him pills, or covering for him. It will cause such resentment in you, wear you down, and will enable him to continue & to hide his addiction.
In normal circumstances, of course we would help our partner, but this is not a normal situation with addiction! You don't necessarily have to blurt out the whole story to others, but you can tell him you will NOT cover for him anymore or tolerate disrespect. I had to draw strict boundaries, and when my ex was mean, I would simply say, "I'm not comfortable being treated like this". And, I would leave for a meeting (AlAnon/NarAnon/Codependents Anonymous) or just walk around the block, take a drive, etc. Also, please be careful to hide or seriously watch the money, too! Addiction drives us to do whatever we need to do when we want another pill or whatever... and, I mean it. Until he's ready to stop, it gets worse, never better. Common sense and rationality fly out the window as if we're "possessed"! So, I encourage you to find meetings for yourself (either NarAnon or even AlAnon-its been around longer, and often more recovery amongst members, although it deals primarily with partners/families of alcohol abusers rather than addicts). They will offer encouragement, support & you will hear your own story and get many suggestions on how to deal with each situation that crops up. It helped me to be stronger while standing against my husband's addiction after I was clean. And, please try to remember that, often when your husband is very mean, moody or unlike himself... its because you are facing the addiction, the addict, and it will do anything it needs to do to survive! Please believe me, as it even took my motherly instinct away for a short while. It was devastating to me. I wish you the best & God Bless. We are all here & we can never get enough of that loving support! Jillian
I cant add much more than the advice you already got,but i just want you to know i am here anytime you want to talk!
Your husband needs to admit he needs help to quit these pills,its the addict talking telling you he's not ready or the subs wont work etc.
The main thing here my dear is you need to look after yourself,protect your money,hide it if you have to,but under no circumstances lie or protect him,that is only gving him more headway to use. He will ground you down and wear you out if you dont stand up to him now.
I know its hard but you need to be strong for yourself,attend those meetings that the others gave you names for!
If all comes down to it,give him an ulimatum-get help or get out,i know it sounds cruel and by no ways do i mean to be rude or nasty to you,but i am a recovering addict and i know all the tricks that go wit it,please dont let him bring you down with him!! Start out by educating yourself as Laurie suggested!
We are all here to support you through this and to help in anyway we can.
Best of luck and stay writing on here,its amazing the support you will find and how much it will help talking to those who are in the same situations as you or understand what you are going through.
Alexisa its time for you to get out of this situation for you and the kids I know how hard it is I've been through it myself this i s whay you need to do tell a friend or family member that you trust what's going on either take your kids stay with them or goto a women shelter. You will be sad for awhile but you are already grieving so you might as well grieve away drom the situation you deserve more than t be in an abusive disrestectful relationship your kids do to. Get ss card birth certificates all impotant things and go. Sweety you can do it I did I left my x husband the day my second daughter was born. If mney is stopping you get ahold of human service in your ares they van help with that. I'm sorry this is my answer but I have concerns 4 you and your children take care feel free yp pq me if you need to talk
Hi Alexsia, & welcome to the site first of all, I have a grandaughter whom I am very close to whose name is Alexis so very close to yours. Anyway, I think you have to make a decision for yourself. PLEASE take care of yourself is first in this situation. I know you love this man or you wouldn't be writing to someone for some help. Or, maybe you are looking for encouragment to do the right thing for yourself. If you feel in your heart that this man you married will never give up his habit, it will continue until you are broke & have nothing ever! Don't mean to sound harsh it's just the way it is. He will be pawning TV, jewelry whatever to have money for his drugs. He will had a hard time holding down a job because most all employers test for drugs now.
Are you willing to support his habits with your income & recieve nothing in return for all you hard work?Coming home to a drugged out asshole ( that come with it) who does nothing but drugs , horrible friends, losing everything you have, & nothing in return. You have been married one year, & I believe in your heart you know it was a mistake. & really want someone to tell you it's ok to get out now while you can. It is ok, girl! No oehas to live in that situation. If he can't admit he has a problem It will get to a point you could be in harms way. Please , oh please go to NA meetings even if you do kick him out or just leave. Go anyway, so you understand what to look or & get the moral support.( you don't want to make the same mistake again & it happens a lot!) Of course we are always here too for that part. Sorry this is so long, but you sound so desparate, & I speak from experience only it was alcohol in my case. I put up with it for 10 years, & it almost ruined me. He kicked out of our house 5 days after I had major back surgery & on cruthes. These things will happen to you my dear. Well, folks, this is my Motherly advice for the first time today! I do wish you well, & good luck in your decision. Only you can make up your mind...
I just ran across this post, and read all the answers. They are all very correct with their answers. I am an addict over 8+ years. The only difference I had a high paying job. I would still do what ever it took to get my drugs. I spent$1,000's on them over the net. Long story short I finally did loose everything, and almost lost my life. Take all these ladies advice, you have to protect your self at all cost. Do not cover up any thing for him! Shout to the world he is a narcotic addict. None of this is your fault. He will turn it all around and try to make you think it is your fault. Hang in there with all the ladies here, they tell it like it is. Best wishes Dave
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