... have friends,and quite a fiew girlfriends throughout my life..then i got hooked on drugs pain meds..so now i am clean after 11 years.but now im stuck i dont know how to have relationships anymore..i have zero friends,an x wife,and no giirlfriend..sure i am clean but i thought after i got clean i would you know be able to have friends,girlfriends and everything..but no.i have no friends no girlfriends and no life,,and tellyou the truth i have no hobbies and not many interest... i still feel even though im clean i am lost,i do nothing i work for my dad 2 days a week the rest oif the time i barely leave the house usually to go to the dr or re[port for probation..im afraid i have big issues im just not interested in people,but on the otherside i am really lonely lately all i do is sleep.and i know some will say you need therapy.but all i can afford is the doc who keeps me off opiates with suboxone and treats depression.so if anyone has been here i really need some advice i have no life nothing and i dont know what to do,but i know i am miserable..and my family is concerned but i play it off like i like being alone all the time..(please help) i mean there is really no point for me to be alive
yes there is a point for you to be alive ... hey i have thoughts that run through my head from time to time ... i have a few problems of my own ... aniexty an back pain(body pain)... to make new friends ..i have went on a site called ... my yearbook.com... its not like myspace or facebook ... this site lets you talk back an forth like this kinda ... an you meet people who live near you some even in the same town ... its a nice site ... go try it out ... i have met many people on there some of them call me on the phone ... i met one woman an we go to eat lunch ..once a month its a great place to meet people an the dates you can get ... wow ... ive had 50 or more offers ... go try it out ... you might run into me on there ... good luck ... let me no what happens please ... linda... how old are you?
Take it easy my friend, its not the end of the world, be happy you will find loads of people on this forum willing to help out & be associated with you, need not worry to much. No one is perfect that is what I think, I also have a lot of sufferings but have to take life as it comes, the true spirit is in keeping 'afloat' drowning is no solution.
Please feel absolutely free to in touch, anytime, I will respond, take care & above all be safe! Life is precious, meant to be preserved & looked after.
O'boy, please do some rethinking. There are many reasons to be alive. I truly understand what its like entering the dating world and new friends world clean. My former "friends" now think I'm boring. I went on-line, at the suggestion of my Dr. and looked for volunteer work. Sure we all need money and would like to get paid but volunteering is a starting way to network. By networking you will meet so many people. If they become aware you are avail for work you just may end up with a paying job. Believe me, in my area finding any potential employee who can pass the pee test is a commodity. Very rare and getting less every day. Stay close to your family as they can be your grounding zone, but try stepping out of that zone a little at a time. You might be suprised!!
In your situation you had removed yourself from life for so long to finally take care of yourself which you needed to do and now you feel that you are alone. I can understand because I've lived with a chronic pain disease for over 11yrs now. It took me over 6yrs to even begin to get out to live again with the pain but am permanently disabled so I can no longer work.
I am assuming that there aren't people at work you can talk to or form friendships/find a date with or that it wouldn't be a good idea because you work for your father?
You may fear getting back out there as you know you could never go back to the old crowd that you once hung out with or fear of meeting someone that was once in your same position but you truly need to find a place to try to meet others that doesn't include work, doctors offices, or probation.
Personally I found my faith in God again and started meeting people in church. I also found friends from my HS days that I started to see again but even some of those people had baggage/problems that I couldn't handle as I too remained in my home that became my own prison for way too many years. You don't want to continue with that.
My hobbies and interest have changed out of no choice due to pain 24/7 for so long and I've forced myself to put myself in positions I wasn't comfortable with with people that I found to be good and eventually that helped and granted me a new lease on life also.
I haven't even tried to date in over 2yrs now but before that I was in bad relationships and don't want to repeat that so I have enjoyed this time apart from being in a serious relationship but know eventually even I have to put myself back out there sooner than later.
Even though our base situations are different you may have also lost friends due to your own change when they didn't or that they left you behind because of your own problems and that can be and is very sad from the ones you need support from.
Have you tried joining a support group for people in your situation? That may help as my 1st step before I could ever physically get out was to find a group with people that had the same pain condition I do and I made great friends although they all live in other parts of the US. I did get to meet 3 of them and am great friends with 2 of those people to this day and we communicate by phone and email.
You can find groups for support in your own community and not just online not only in church settings but also in hospital settings where you would not only receive therapy for what you have gone through but meet others that really do understand you, where you've been, and where you are now.
To sleep a lot is a huge sign of depression and I hope your doctor gives you something for that as it is treatable. There are anti-depressants out there that do help tremendously but it takes time for them to work at their full potential.
I would be careful remaining on Suboxone as it is a generic for Methadone which does block pain receptors but is still used to treat pain and is as addictive if not more than many narcotics. You should re-evaluate with your doctor at some point so that you don't remain on this drug for too long and end up with only another addiction problem that could even be worse than the one you had.
Don't stay locked up in your home. That will end up taking its toll on you mentally and could harm you and only cause the depression to worsen no matter what treatment is available knowing myself that the cost of therapy with a counselor alone is tremendously expensive but in a group setting be it in an open minded church or a hospital, you would be around others that can offer support and friendship. I highly recommend you look into that option.
I also know we don't want our family to worry about us and even I have said I'm okay when I'm not at times but at this point you need to find at least one family member you can confide in.
I hope this helps you and please know you are not alone in the world of where you are now. There is not only help but hope out there.
You will have to push yourself to change this as nobody can change it for you.
My prayers and best wishes are for you and your life which should feel like a new lease; not a lonely world.
Hi till33, You have so much to live for! You are clean, this is a time for celebration (not that kind)lol! This is a celebration of life, of all the things you have to be thankful for. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but it does seem like you do need some therapy, it need not be expensive. You need to tell the doctor who gives you your sub, that you need something for depression, better yet tell him/her exactly what you have just told us. If you can get to some a.a./n.a. meetings this will change your frame of mind a great deal. First you will see and hear from people who have been through what you have. They are always the kind of people who will go the extra mile... kinda like us! No, I am bad to say that we do make a good group to chat with but it sounds like you need some people who are struggling along right now in the same place.
Now, do not take this wrong, but I am sure it took you quite some time of using (11) years, you can not expect to jump right back to where you where before you stared using. They do have a saying too at N.A. "easy does it" took you a long time to get to the right place so easy does it when expecting your life to return to normal. When you first get clean you are getting bombarded with a thousand new things at one time. All the people, places and thing (another saying) are gone from your life and if you are very smart you won't even think about (then). You will stay in the present... you know nothing of the future. You are so lucky to have made it out alive! It may not seem that way now, but you must give it time. You must come out of your room, if only to go to a meetimg and a short walk once a day. Get a dog or a cat, they are very forgiving souls and wise beyond their years. That's all I have right now, except I am glad you found us, some of us can give you something to smile about everyday. Please let me know how you make out, I am going to add you as a friend... Fall Queen
Yes there is plenty of reason for you to live!!Right now is the perfect time for you to get to know your true self & it's time for you to find new interests & hobbies to entertain you... This is a very important time for you to rebuild yourself to become what your destined to be & I believe when you get into new hobbies that you'll find new people that are also into the same hobbies to be associated with & to share the same interests. I know it's easier said then done but you already took a positive step foward by posting on here & I know you will come out of this situation as a winner. Go out there & explore & get to know yourself more then you ever have, this will turn into the best moment of your life & you will finally be putting yourself first & doing what you love to do... Take care & keep us posted, your special!!
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I have found that the best way to help myself is to find a way to help others. In every community there are ways that you can volunteer your time. It feels good to do something for other people. If you would rather do something for animals, go to a shelter and volunteer. You would meet the staff and people that come in. If you don't have a dog, maybe you can adopt one and go to a dog park where there are lots of other people with dogs to talk with. Maybe you could volunteer at the library or take a class at your local junior college. That would be another place to meet people.
I live in a small community and there aren't many places to volunteer. Hopefully you are in a more populated area where there are more opportunities. I have found that if we can stop focusing on ourselves, it helps a lot. For me, it takes great effort to get out there and make the effort, but it is worth it.
Like others have said, if you are feeling lonely, write to us on the forum. Many of us hang out at homes a lot because we are in pain. Hope you get to feeling better quickly.
Hi till33, I think that many of us on this site have, or have had the exact same questions and issues that you are now struggling with. I don't know when you started taking drugs, or how long you've been getting sober, but unfortunately it seems that when you do stop using, you are in the same place you were when you started. I started drinking and doing drugs before I was 12. I eventually became a serious heroin and cocaine (needle) junkie. When I stopped that, I was 30 years old. I had left my husband (who had the same problems I had) and really believed that I would never meet anyone. I had no idea how to act around people if I wasn't high. All my friends were drug addicts, so I couldn't be around them, and I didn't know how to meet anyone else. I had been in a detox facility, and came out of there as if I was 12 years old again... feeling completely unsure, intimidated, and awkward.
The thing I did that I believe was a tremendous help, is that I went to AA and NA meetings pretty much every day. I never said I word during a meeting, but I still managed to get a lot out of the meetings, as you'll always hear someone say something that you can relate to. Just like the things people write here. I met a lot of very nice and caring people/friends before and after the meetings, and during the coffee breaks. This is a great way to get a little free therapy, meet new people who can understand you, and also leave your house with a positive destination. You have to remember that right now, you're learning about yourself as a sober person, and you'll be taking baby steps for awhile. As long as you stay clean and continue stay away from the people and things you know will cause problems for you, you'll make new friends, you'll meet new girls, and you'll discover new ways to have fun and deal with your life. You'll also go through hard times, because that's what life is. It's a mixed bag of ups and downs. You have to learn to roll with it. Believe me, I have had serious struggles, especially during this past year, but things have settled down as they always do. Life is harder for people like us. We seem to feel things more than other people do, and have a lower breaking point. It's a daily challange, but if you can ride out the hard times, you will survive them and hopefully learn something more about yourself. One of the things that I learned in the meetings that has stuck with me through the years is the Serenity prayer... accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and have the wisdon (and maybe courage) to know the difference. This will usually help you calm down and see things more clearly. I truly hope you are able to take it slowly and continue to believe that you can have a better life, keemo7
I understand. There have been plenty of times when even totally surrounded by friends and having social engagements 5 out of 7 nights I still felt lonely and worthless and not needed. I have been on almost all the antidepressants out there. I finally found one that worked for me, and mixed with Wellbutrin, it really did help. I have a bf that I live with now and still plenty of friends and a huge loving family and I still have those feelings from time to time. There have been lots of times I have canceled going out with my friends because I didn't feel like being around people, but would then sit at home and feel lonely like no one knows me and never will. I know that makes no sense, but it does to me and I have a feeling to you as well. I'm not much of a dog person, though my bf has one, I'm a cat person. My cat has been there when no person could be. If you get the right pet that responds to your moods and feelings it is probably the best way to pull yourself up.
There have been countless nights that I would/do sit on the couch and watch TV with my cat. She provides true, unconditional love. I also write poetry when I'm down. I have written some stuff that is very dark and people who have read it have been afraid I was going to kill myself. The truth is, writing down my feelings, in poetry or any other form, was keeping me sane. It was the best way to get my feelings out there. Sometimes on the days I'm feeling great I'll go back and read some of the stuff I wrote and while very good, if I say so myself, I realize that I will probably be there again but just because I felt that way one day doesn't mean all days are that way. Another way to deal with feelings that I have used, especially when I'm angry with someone/something, I do what is called free writing, I think. That's when you just sit down with pen and paper and write down all of your thoughts with no punctuation or anything. Just write and write until it's all out. That works great when you have no one to talk to.
If you're sleeping all the time and feeling down you really should talk to your doctor about depression. Are you in any pain at all? I found out I have fibro and probably have had it for a very long time. When it acts up I feel especially worthless and tired.
Anyway, feel free to contact me on here any time. Good luck and keep your head up! The old saying is true, "you will find someone when you're not looking for them". I hate to say it, but that's how most of my relationships have come about.
Hello lost friend.
I canunderstand where your at. The same thing happens to someone who stops drinking alcohol. It call the crowed change, you no longer hang with these people so you need to meet others. This may sound lame, but church or other social groups. Depending in what interest you have. You have by no means mad a bad choice, your friends that indulge in these activates and try to draw you back have a problem. I drank for thirty some years with many friends. When the friends left because I didn't drink anymore, you can conclud they weren't much a friend. In fact many were sponging off me.
You can if you check. Find places that do dancing, card playing sports, computers and many other activates without drugs. Roam and search, ask others. Maybe someone on this link lives near you.
Don't go dirty to get a uless life back.
Look at the money you save, ta buy a car, boat, or your own game room.
Hi till33, Congratulations on quitting pain meds!!! Please google Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome!!! It will explain why you are feeling so badly. And please know that you are not alone in this... many of us are suffering from PAWS stuff. I sure am, but I just know it will get better as time goes by.
Good luck to you,
i think all of you before me gave good advice to till33, i could only re-iterate that using this sight is good to talk your thoughts thru, as well as a church group, or just going to a different atmosphere- i really wish you well and much encouragement to at least go to a place like a support group and just listen until you feel compeled to share i will be thinking about your recovery from this matter, i do feel that it will change some, because you took the first step, you told all of us, and thats good, i am always here just for listening if thats what you need its ok with me, any kind of support that i can give or any questions too! i will do my best to get an answer for you... god be with you and be encouraged-- read all the posts over and over for encouragement if you have to... until something excites or moves you, just feel better, it will be ok, i beleive that for you, it will take a little time thats all, this is a good site too vtech10
Hi till33 I too have these bouts of depression. I have chronic pancreatitis. Which means sooner or later it will kill me. I prefer sooner. I have had happy times I thought, but found out who really cares and when it boils down to it we have to make ourselves happy. You sound like you have a lot to live for. Please don't give up. Your live should not have to have a women in it to be happy. Heck, I am married and my husband hates me. I guess I am not the right person to give advise but God put us here for a reason. I haven't found mine but if you look hard enough I am sure you will find yours... God Bless you...
hey bro i know what ur goin threw, u just described everything thats happened in my life as well, except i dont talk to my father. I had a good job for 12 yrs a good wife an 2 beautiful kids. started abusing opates an lost everything. I got clean a few months ago wit suboxen but now i find myself sober but alone an depressed. I also just turned 30 which also depresses me... lol..anyway im searchin for answer to this myself i just wanted u to know ur not alone bro so dont feel like theres sumtin wrong wit ya i actually believe what we are gon threw is pretty normal for what we been threw. Well i know ths wasnt an answer but i hope it makes ya feel alil better, goodluck man an congrats on gettin clean, that was the hardest thing i ever did in my life
Since they don't let me practice psychology any more,(not that they ever did,LOL), I can only let you know what helps me.Yes the suboxone helps for the cravings, but my guitar really helps my head a whole lot. Even if you're not inclined toward music, get a hobby or at least a habbit like working out or something. Anything to get your mind off of your demons man. Get a toy car or truck to work on anything to pass the time and keep your head from going under. Things will get better and you never know your new hobby or habit may introduce you to some new people. Don't throw in the towel man, even when life sucks it's still better than the alternative.
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