Two years ago I started developing an ulcer on my right leg. It has been diagnosed as pyoderma gangrenosum, a very rare disease that is believed to be related to Crohns - but in an external form. Extremely painful, each doctor passes the pain issue to the next and shows little concern for how I feel when they are told.

One doctor was smart enough to put me on 3 capsules of 300 mg of Gabapentin in the morning and same again in the evening. It had side-effects for me, but does a job on the pain. I also take four 200 mg enteric coated ibuprofen tablets that make a difference. My ulcer is on the inside of my lower right leg just above the ankle bone and now my pain is moving into my heel and starts perhaps four inches above the ulcer and ends just below the knee. It is perhaps slightly "phantom" in nature as the site itself does not seem to be the root - though we know it is.

I visited a surgeon last week and noticed a pain management group in the same medical complex. I walked in and asked to please have an appointment with one of their doctors. First thing I was asked by a very librarian like woman in a nasty tone was - "Are you looking for narcotics?" I was annoyed at that and gave her my information and replied that all I was looking for was a relief from that static that builds up when you aren't able to think of anything other than the pain. "You need a referral." "You need a prescription." I noticed that the industrial green waiting room was filling up with older patients. Perhaps if I were older? Such stigma at every turn.

This feels very much like a cigarette burn - a very sharp pain. Are other people running into this? I'm not some sort of drug seeking fiend... just somebody who wants to feel okay. The Gabapentin dose was eased into and still made me feel very odd. Ever talk and have a different word than what you wanted come out of your mouth? I stumble over words daily and hope that when this ulcer heals and the pain lessens that it will be reversible. (I actually read voiceovers when I'm okay)

When I saw this spirit of caring and giving so close to Christmas and absolutely no concern for my comfort I found it appalling. It is really very strange. Hopefully things will look up and we'll have a great new year.