About 8 months ago my husband of 9 years finally admitted to me that he was hooked on oxy. Money was missing all the time and in specific amounts. (Usually $60. I am in charge of our money) He always came up with excuses and I never really questioned it because I had no reason not to trust him. He had all the normal signs; tired at night, very quiet, sad all the time, not interested in doing things with his family (we have 2 children). I didn't know anything about oxy then, but after doing research it all makes sense.
He told me he wanted to quit. I didn't get mad at him when I found out, I felt sorry for him. I held him and I said I would be here for him and what did I need to do to help him with this problem. He asked me to basically ride him. Ask him details about all of his purchases, never give him cash and call him out if I think something is up. He SAID he wanted to quit.
Months have gone by and he hasn't been perfect. He has slipped up a few times, sometimes he tells me about, sometimes he still tries to lie about it. I tried to explain to him that the lying is more upsetting than him actually messing up and buying pills. We have done many things to help him. We changed his phone number, he no longer hangs out with the people that are involved (which I have no idea if he really is). I check our cell account daily and check the numbers he dials and I know which ones to look for. I have Fibromyalgia and Lupus. I have had to stop taking my pain medicine because he kept stealing them from me. I hurt everyday, all day because he has this addiction.
The other night he went to his friends house to work on his car. He came home and wasn't quite himself. I asked him if he was on anything and he got mad at me for asking. RED FLAG! When he gets defensive like that I know he is guilty. Finally about 3 hours later I got out of him that he was given two low dose vallium (spelling, I know). I got angry, mostly because of the lying AGAIN! He told me that since it wasn't percocet or oxy then it wasn't bad. Also he didn't pay for them. The next day (while we are still not on good terms) we sat down to talk when the kids were away. I told him, for the 7 millionth time, I can't help you unless you are honest with me. I also explained to him that I thought he feels he doesn't have a problem because he only messed up once a week or once every two weeks. (which is complete crap, but I have no proof). He's not trying to quit, it seems like since he has slowed down, he feels he has a grasp on it.
Well, the conversation escalated into a fight. He told me that I treat him so horribly that I drive him to do drugs, to "escape" from his horrible reality. He also said he doesn't think he has a problem. He said some other nasty things and then went out with one of his friends. (I am not aware if this guy does pills or not, as far as i know he doesn't). He went out, got really drunk (this is rare, he goes out without me maybe 1 time evry 3 months or so, we are homebodies, always have been). He cleared out his phone log on his cell before he went to bed. So I checked the online call records. He called the 2 guys he gets pills from for 2 hours straight about every 20 minutes.
GUESS WHAT HUSBAND YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! My question is, now what? I am thinking of asking him to leave (he can go live at his parents house, they are in Florida until the end of March). I want him to leave and come back only when he is going to be rational about his situation. Only when he is ready to quit. I'm scared, I love him so much, he is all I have. But he is destroying our family and me. I feel so weak and helpless. I thought our marriage was one of the good ones. The last-forever-kind. I don't want him to leave and never come back.
Please help me!