He had a physical on friday and I believe he convinced the doctor to give him pain killers. He has been extremely talkative and agitated all week-end long. We have been married for 17 years and I believe I know the signs. How do I go about opening "the talk" with him without the situation exploding again?
You may as well just come out with it. Tell him that you see the signs and are afraid that he is using again. If you know the 'signs' and see them again, you probably have your answer. I am so sorry.
If he had a 'stash' place before, when he was using, see if you can find it.
I wish you the best, and hang in there, more people will be answering your question soon!
Dear Simone... is it possible to get in touch with your husband's AA sponsor? Yes, you know your husband. I agree with sweet lemon, that it is best to just come out with it. Arrange a time when your son is out of the house to talk to your husband. I am sure your son is in school right now. If not, arrange a place for him to go... a friend's house, an in-law's place... somewhere where your son can safely go. If your husband has been in AA, then he knows appropriate ways of responding, but if he is high, these coping mechanisms might be obtunded. I think that the best way of addressing this right now is to get in touch with your husband's AA sponsor. Good luck my dear. This is not a good situation. You must keep your son and yourself safe first and foremost. I will remember u n my morning prayers. Act now, for the sake of you, your son, and your husband's sobriety. One more thing... has something changed in your husband's life to set off a trigger that has caused him to relapse?
Keep us posted... pup
I agree with Sweet Lemon. I would just come out and ask him. I mean there is really no other way to do it, unless you find it and show it to him, like sweet lemon said. I hate this for you and know that it is rough. I will say a prayer for you hon, and hope all goes well. Ruth
Dear Simonetw, did he tell you he got pain meds from his Doctor? Is he really in pain? I've seen both sides of this coin. Yes, it is makes it definitely harder when he is defensive. I think I wouldn't worry too much, or maybe even say anything unless he goes for a refill, another Dr. or if his behavior is disruptive to you and your son. You said he was in a car wreck? (hey, now nobody yell at me, I am just trying to be conservative, I had surgery and was given extra medication, I didn't even use it, it IS possible). Is there any chance his pain is real? So he knows that you know he got some pain pills right? Well, ask about his pain. Bring him ice packs. Ask him to take it easy if he's in pain. This will let him know, not only that you care about him, but subtlety, that you are WATCHING him. If you think he is using when he is NOT in pain, look at his pupils,and compare them to your sons.
If your husband has pinprick pupils, even in a dim light and are much smaller than you son's, then your know. Now you have a choice. I honestly would allow him one bottle and a benifit of a doubt that he is actually using them in pain, but if like I said, becomes a disruption to your life, finances or family life, I would try talking to him. You could say,"_______, I love you, you have no idea how much it meant to me that you hung in there for a year and half with your twelve step program. I have noticed that you don't seem as happy as when you were going. Is there anything I can do to help?" if no response continue with,"I feel sad when I think that you need to take a pill in order to live your life." I also can't help but worry about you and where this path may take you" "________(your son) and I need you SO much in our lives. You are really important to us. If there is anything I can do, will you please trust in our love (or me) enough to tell me?" If he gets defensive or weird on you, then you've got to do whatever you feel is best for you and your son. You both have freedom of choice, if he chooses drugs over your family, and it is causing you stress or is evident to your son, then you use your freedom of choice to do WHATEVER is in the best interest of yourself and your child. May God Bless you and your husband, I pray that he will see reason, and I pray that if he doesn't, then, that you do.(WAY easier said than done, I KNOW,) but you sound like a smart, capable young woman, I believe you have what it takes to succeed in whichever choice you make. I wish only the best for you. Sincerely, Harmony
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