Ive been through the "Im going to quit", "Im in such pain" and so many other excuses. He gets 60 from a doctor and they are gone in 2 days! Then its searching through the streets to find high priced others. Im at my wits end, bills are pilling up like never before. Hes has withdrawn 4 or 5 times this year, never lasting more than 3 days though. Hes also a recovering alcoholic and he used to be addicted to cocaine. We have been together for over 16 years. Ive watched him kick the alcohol and cocaine. The pills are loosing their effects and he needs so many. If he has nothing its strait to bed, for days! I just cant do this anymore. When I met him he had so many DUIs he had lost his drivers license for 4 years. Then he quit several years later cause he hurt me while he was blacked out. He would drink so heavy. The cocaine started after that. Now the pain meds. I know he will never quit. He has been an addict of all this for over 30 years. Im really scared of where things are going
My husband has been addicted to percocet, vicodine and metadome for well over 5+ years?
Added 21 Jun 2010:
Thank you all for your sharing and support, it means the world to me. The biggest problem I have is that m mom and dad are deceased. There is no one I can ask for help. That has been the glue of this bad relationship. I cant work, just had my 4th spine surgery and awaiting disability from social security. I dont know where to turn. Im not close to my other family members. I was an only child, born to parents over 40. My siblings resented the fact my father remarried. Both mom and dad had previous marriages and children. So I was never close to any of them. Im 39 and have never felt so alone in my entire life. I cannot speak to him, he is more high now than he has ever been. I dont know where to go, who to turn to or where to get money for all this to take place. I have cried so many times thinking that if my parents were alive they would NEVER allow this to happen to me, they would do anything for me. I have a 17 yr old son here with me. The car is in both our names. I have a vehicle in my name only, go figure it does not run. My husband has lost so much weight he dont even look like himself anymore. He isnt even providing us with enough food right now, paycheck just goes on whatever. Im scared out of answers and I just dont know what to do. I cant just pack up and go, $ is a severe restriction that I dont have access to. He has dragged me down to my lowest low. Self esteem ? What is that? Intimate relations? Im out of tears and just know I cant do this.
Hey girl you need to nip this in the bud. You've already been hurt you said in a black out what next. I also have been through this but I didn't get out until it was almost to late, he almost took my life, it was that serious. I also heard the- I'm in pain, oh my anxiety, I'll quit I promise don't leave, I need this, you don't know how I feel. Getting the picture-all excuses if he wanted he could get help. It sounds like it is time to give an ultimatum, you can't make him quit he has to want to but you shouldn't have to go through this. Do you have any support network? If not you need one now!!! I think someone needs to talk to this doctor who is enabling him by giving him more pills. I will be thinking of you girl, hang in there and please get some help and support to deal with this you can't do it alone change is hard!!! Please keep in touch with me I am very worried about you. A friend who's been there, Marjorie
You really are a super trooper marjorie. That's why I made You one of my friends. I hope You don't mind. After reading about You on Your icon, it almost brought me to tears. And now, you are here trying Your best to help others, that are in the same situation that You were in. May God bless You for this, and I know that he will. Just wanted to say that, and wish beachchicky the best of luck for the future. Me? I think she should get out, without him knowing, AND THEN, maybe, talk to him, and see how he feels about his whole world coming to an end, if this crazy __it doesn't stop. Just my 2 cents worth. God bless You both.
Hi beachchicky, I think the responses you have already gotten are pretty much what you have to do . I always feel bad when it is the partner who leads a good, honest life and cares about her other half ( but is losing herself in the process.), I feel bad bacause you are going to have to be that one to salvage your life before he drags all your self-esteem and your energy out of you. There are many programs out there for you, they are designed to help you understand addiction, NOT TO ACCEPT IT! Just try to understand. He has lost his way but it is not your job to be at every fork in the road to point him in the right direction! He has a disease which is not curable but most definitely can be contolled. He must do all these things on his own. My husband and I married for all the wrong reasons, drugs and sex. That party is usually over way before the fun even started.
My hubby made it easy because I had two small children and he put me in the position of making a choice btween them and him and the drugs. My children won hands down! This is a for instance of where his brain was. We actually got kicked out of Salvation Army because he was smoking crack in the bathroon! When I left I called my parents abd thet sent me money enough to go to a motel for about ten days. Just so you can feel what was going on, I need to give you a little scenario. We were in FT. Lauderdale with a one year old and a two month old. Try walking with a child on each hip when it is about 102 degrees out with the humidity. Well I paid for the room got the kids a nice clean shower and got a good nights sleep. Of course hubby left in the middle of the night ( unbenowst to me). What I did not expect is the maid knocking on the door at 11 am to tell me to check out. Apparently he went and took all the money back for our stay at the motel and left! So here I was sitting on a bus bench with the kids not knowing what to do, thankfully I had my parents behind me and they were able to get me on a flight back up north w/out guess who So, I am not trying to get off track and my husband never hit me but the emotional abuse was astronomical. I just got my divorced finalized after 25 years of separation. When he finally realized I had left the state he went back up north. I told him he did not need a wife he needed a mother so I sent him back to his. I hope this helps hon,it must be ringing some alarn bells?! My thoughts and prayers are with you, Fall Queen P.S my kids are 24 & 25 now, it was only by the grace of GOD that I never lost them.
Where did my answer go? QUEEN, I must have forgotten the "submit" part. Each time I read one of your posts my jaw drops. You are such a strong willed woman!
As to the question, I had a long (maybe too long) response for you but maybe someone was telling me "NO Chris, don't say that!" But I will anyway. I can just imagine how sick and tired you are. But you knew from the start what you were getting in to with this man. He drank heavily when you met him and he continued for years even after the DUI's. You said he withdrew from the meds 4 or 5 times this year. Honey, it's not even May yet. He never withdrew from anything. He simply ran out of money or couldn't find them. Stop being his victim, pack up your stuff, renew and begin your own life. YOU deserve the best life has to offer! Are you going to wait until he completely drags you down with him? In relationships like this it's usually the woman who says, "Oh, he promised he would quit, or baby, it will never happen again, I swear!" Maybe the woman thinks, "maybe if I loved him a little more or was it something I did? I love him so much I am willing to do anything to help him." There has to come a point where you need to say, enough is enough!!
Please do yourself a favor, get strong, find family support, go to counseling, and leave this user and abuser alone. Obviously you love him or you wouldn't have come here looking for answers. I also think you logged on to find someone to validate what's already in your head... There are no answers or help for someone who continues to use and abuse and thinks it's ok... while in the back of his mind is... she'll never leave me because I have my ways of making her stay. Pleading, begging, guilt trips, promises. He needs a good slap in the face wake up call! It should come in the form of a letter that reads, "Honey, I love you, but until you get your life in order and quit the addictions, I can not go through this emotional, heartbreaking pain anymore." If you have the emotional strength to have this face to face (without fear of him hitting you) then put it on the line.
I am sorry for being so heartless. I honestly feel for you and the pain you are in. I usually try to help people here by words of encouragement, support, or just to let them know they have someone to share the pain with.
Please do what's best for you.
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