My fiance that I love so much, we've been through ups and downs since we got together. Back in 2008 Aug, we moved into this beautiful house with my 2 sons under 5 years old and we both had great paying jobs, then in October the fairytale that I was living ended when he lost his job. At the time I had NO idea that he had a drug problem he acted fine. After 5 or so days of not going to work, I gave him $500 to pay our car and ins., it was never paid instead when he finally came home he was extremely drowsy and could not stay awake for the love of God!! He passed out and I searched through his sweater and found Xanex pills, with a little bit of my money left. I reached out to his mom thinking that she would help me with this issue and to this day she enables him completely. After telling her what happened she said don't throw away the pills and leave the money with him, I was like WTF!! are you serious?! Nonetheless the pills were flushed and I kept the money that was left over, she said I shouldn't have done that because he can go into withdrawal and he needed to be tapered off. Ridiculous BS on her behalf which at one point I must say that she was never part of his life because she herself was so into drugs and then her other younger son, my fiances little brother that he raised because she was never there took a gun to his head and my fiance found him. Neither one of them ever got counceling for this at all they just had each other to help throught this all. After this time, he got another job and everything looked like it was getting back to normal. I learned that I was pregnant and he was being fully supportive at this time, I got a job at the ER and worked pretty much all day, around December he worked on Saturday which was half a day and had the kids with him, I later learned that he didn't work and instead went to Sa and purchased more drugs and drove home with the kids. I didn't notice much of a difference in him just sometimes he would be super tired and then others he was like going back and forth like super excited lets go do this and lets go do that. In March the following year he took more Xanax and left to his moms oh, everytime I would find something out he would leave over to his moms as she would not tell him nor ask why he would do this? Mind you everyday since we got together everyday he would go over to his moms without fail. So back in March he called me from his moms house and said that he needed to get help and then when he finally came home and said that he needed to leave and get help long story short he never did. When our daughter was born in May it wasn't until July that he finally admitted to me what was going on after money was continuously missing and things just didn't feel right. He told me after his brothers death he got tied up with the wrong people and they gave him heroin to cope with his death. Then to get off after meeting an older lady who saw him spiraling out of control she gave him Methadone and throughout the years gave it to him for free, when the money started missing was when she was strapped for cash and would tell him he needed to pay. When he didn't have any he would take Xanax to help with the withdrawals he would self medicate the methadone and use it to his own advantage. At times he would take too much and others he would be sleepy. I stayed even through this all it wasn't until October that I came to pick him up at this new job( as he hadn't had one since Dec of the previous year) and he was falling asleep with nothing but a wod of hundreds in his hand. I had had it at that point and told him he needed to figure something out because i was not going to support him anymore. He went to rehab oct 15 4 hours away from us for a month and it was the hardest time to go through, I missed him so much!! Then while he was there I found out he had already been there before. Either way he finally got out Nov.17 and when he got back everything was so great just like when we had first met. Slowly but surely I started to notice the lets get up and go or being tired, he said he did not want to contact his mom as she would just put him back to that time in his life, he ended up not going to meeting never working the steps or finding a sponsor, so of course sobriety wasn't going to last long, I felt that something was wrong in my gut, for the last couple of months and finally crap hit the fan. He finally got another job since getting out of rehab and Thursday he got home obviously high, slurring his speech, he drug me outside to show me the car that he had ran off the road now. I had enough I didn't want to have anything to do with it, we just got this new house after alot of BS with our last house. I got the kids out of the house and ended up calling EMS hoping that they would do the OD protocol and get him into rehab or some sort of help. Totally backfired but found out he had went to a wedding the previous Saturday and left the kids with god only knows who the cops made me the bad guy and as soon as his "aunt" (who is his mothers girlfriend but no one wants anyone to find out) showed up the cops made me go inside and he got a few things as best he could because he couldn't walk straight and just left. I am so hurt to find out that he left to this wedding and never told me anything, that he has been in contact with his mom and jolene this whole time, I now have a wrecked car that he left me with and has no even bothered to call me at all to this day. He was suppose to pay out of his check some bills last week and I have had no car since then. His mother I'm sure tells him to stay because I'm such a b**ch to him yet I'm just tired of him lying to me and our family he has a daughter and our boys that looked up to him and called him dad! I have continuously had a job the whole time and supported all of them while pregnant, today is the 5th day that I haven't heard anything from him and I'm so torn because of the whole situation of him not even caring to call or check on his daughter. I felt something was going on but I wanted to believe so bad that we were beyond his addiction and I was so wrong. I don't know what to do about any of this please advise me as to what you guys would recommend I love him so much but feel like he's been using me to get what he needs for the time. His lies and deception absolutely kill me, now more than ever as I have to struggle and he gets to drive his old car that his mom and her girlfriend took from us in april the month before our daughter was born and left us with nothing. He leaves me and gets it back, I feel like i'm nothing and wasn't good enough for him or something!!! Please help me!!!
My fiance relapsed and left, haven't heard from him... help!! Seeking advise?
- 31 May 2010 by cjfeelslost
- 31 May 2010
I feel for you my dear, I have been there and done that. My second husband was just like this but even worse. I found out after we got married that we were actually distant cousins, he knew it but I didn't. I also found out he had a really bad felony on his records, had I known the full details we would have never been together. He almost took my life while drunk and high. He had been on probation/parole as well. After almost taking my life I reported him to the police and he found out about it before the police could get him, he ran to New York and hid. He got re-married and then I got a call from the New York State Police asking if I knew him and what I knew about him, I asked why and was told that they think he tried to kill his step-child and then revive the baby to get attention, real sick man!!! Well needless to say his drinking/drugging got him in a car accident and killed, he is now dead and for some reason I am getting bill collector notices up the but that I never created that are coming in under that married name instead of the one I have now. He and his lovely wife at the time of his death had made several bills for credit cards and other things under my name because he had my SS number and DOB. We had, had trial seperations during our relationship and professional and church counseling and that didn't help at all, he just put on a front in front of the therapist and pastor to make me look bad but that didn't work thank God, they saw right through him. Well, back to you my dear (just wanted to let you know I have been there) you are not alone. I wish I could take away all the pain you are in but I can't. I will put you on my friends list, you can feel free to talk all you want and I will try to be there for you as much as I can. You are going to have to let go of him and fast. I understand you have a child together and the other ones looked up to him, but they are going to need a better role model, it won't be easy I know, when you love someone it is hard to let go but for your sake and those little ones you need to move on. I would definately seek child support for his daughter and get a court order that you have full custody so he doesn't take her. A restraining order against him, his mother and the girl friend looks like it may have to be an option to give you some peace of mind also. You and the older two children will probably need some counseling to get through this. My ex's mother got involved with our relationship too. He even called me on the last day we were together from his moms house and said that I didn't love him like his mother did, I then told him to come home and get his things and go stay with momma if she loved him so much more than I. He came home but with the police and said he was afraid of me to make me look bad but it back fired, the officer that came new him and me from different times. Me good--him bad, this officer is one of the one's who arrested him for the felony conviction that he had, at the time I had just had major back surgery and was in a back brace, when the police saw this they told him he had five minutes to get his stuff and leave or they would take him out. The policeman told me that they would be there fo my safety not his because I told the officer that he used to say that he always wanted to know what is was like to kill someone. So my dear you are lucky, it was only money he took and not your life or the children. It doen't make it any easier to deal with though, especially when the one you love is the one who hurts you no matter how it is done. I suggest, if you can and have the money, you move away from him and start a new life with your children. It may seem hard now but I am telling you this from the heart you will be much better off, you never know what a person is capable of when they are drunk and/or high. For your own peace of mind you need to start over with your wonderful children. They are the ones you need to protect now. I know this answer is kind of long I'm sorry folks but you need to know that your not alone. You may want to try some Al-Anon meetings they really help alot and they will also reassure you that you are not alone. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your little ones. Good luck my friend and hang in there, it does get easier eventually. Much love and respect, marjorie zych
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