Since I turned 40 in 2001 I have had 8 surgeries, lost my grandmother, mother, oldest brother, and a cousin. I feel that everyone who was a good influence on me while I was growing up is now gone.

Last December I lost my job when I went on a drinking binge after my hours had been cut to the point where I could not even pay my rent. I got to the point where I just didn't care since I could not pay rent if I worked or not.

I have depression which I take meds for, but I've reached my wits end! I would have spent this last month drinking myself to death if some friends had not taken me in, they don't allow drinking in their house. I'm going to be going to a year long treatment program, but I have to be off alcohol, Methadone (for pain), and nicotine. Needless to say this is not easy.

I will turn 50 this year, and I just want this last decade to end. I am a Christian so killing myself is not an option! :) I do want my health back!