Hello & welcome!! My name is Trina & I already know Im very happy to meet you. Meeting ppl & sharing my story & hearing others is exactly why I became a member. Its amazing what Not feeling all alone... read more
Hello & welcome!! My name is Trina & I already know Im very happy to meet you. Meeting ppl & sharing my story & hearing others is exactly why I became a member. Its amazing what Not feeling all alone can do for a person. So pull up a mental seat as I begin our journey through my story...Long ago in the year of 1997 my life changed so much. Some changes like my 1st born son was an incredible gift but a horrible car accident that i now believe was the trigger (maybe even a triggered pulled repeatedly) for my many years of intense chronic pain, illness, depression,anxiety & panic attacks,Degenerative spine disease, Fibromyalgia,chronic fatigue syndrome, OI,arthritis, IBS,chronic migraine, insomnia & narcolepsy that turned my early twenties upside down. O wait!! Don't forget the Carpals Tunnel Syndrome in both wrist & finally bone spurs in: neck,spine,thumbs & the supposed "worst ive ever seen in 27yrs of practice!" full heel & feet bone spurs. I was only 18yrs old when my body broke down like an 80yr old w/severe osteoporosis. However this same body had a natural labor/delivery with the ease of the young & healthy twice. That shows my body is just as confused as I am. With so much going wrong with my health at once after a few years I was forced to shut down the In-Home Daycare I'd fought so hard to get started while pregnant with my 2nd son. It was my dream to work with kids cuz I adore them but I never would've been able to continue to provide the level of care my D.C kids had previously experienced w/me once my conditions progressed so far. There was a standard of care I'd always upheld for all kids & anything less was unacceptable to me.Losing my care kids was a devastating. Working with kids was my passion & I desperately miss it even now. I also couldn't interact with my own boys the way I had before & hearing them ask repeatedly why mommy wouldn't play with them hurt incredibly. I felt like a failure as a mother. The constant pain, so unrelenting stopped me from living at times. All this led to me becoming extremely isolated & depressed.Chronic pain causes an endless cycle of guilt,hopelessness, loss of self worth & identity. At 1st I adamantly refused to take prescription pain pills but after much pleading from my family & 15 months of misery -8months which I was trapped in bed or housebound from pain without relief- I caved. The relief was great but the meds increased my depression. Years later I suffer from anxiety, social anxiety & self esteem issues from not "contributing" to my household or being a "productive" society member (my hubby somehow supports us all himself-we don't qualify for state aid or welfare & im still figting for my disability). Despite it all tho I am now better than I was. When I realized how isolated I was,for how long (13yrs 7mos) & realized that this contributed to my anxiety & social inadequacy~as if I needed help being more broken~it was as if a HUGE light went on in my head. I could stop feeling so damn sorry for myself & start DOING something for myself!!! My life didn't end with my health issues even tho i acted like it did. I could still CHOOSE to be happy-to live TRULY live-I could still feel joy & luv & anticipation~~ I COULD BE HAPPY & laugh & enjoy my friends/family!!!! Yes I would still have pain. Yes it was just gonna keep getting worse as the conditions/diseases progressed but I didn't have to make it worse w/a crap attitude & negative thoughts around the clock. Rite then I quit standing so rigid in the wind of my illnesses. Instead I began to bend & sway in its gales..no longer being broken piece by piece instead finding a smooth motion. I still struggle especially socially but daily I make the effort to be who I am not just a list of health issues. I wanna be defined by the great presence inside me that luvs animals & children, who is a great listener & who wants to help any1 in anyway I can, to show the world how full my head is of useless knowledge & very useful facts as well thanks to a book a day habit, crack up the world w/ sarcastic wit & self effacing humor~there's humor in anything if you look. Its my hope my honesty doesn't sound too much like a pity party. I dont feel like a victim anymore so no pity here. I recently got custody of my 2 young nieces & they have brought even more purpose & joy to my life. Im just trying to reach out & hopefully connect w/others. Maybe some1 else can relate & we can help each other make it through another day. Spilling my secrets straight up is my way of making sure any1 who may contact me knows where I'm at & why. I am learning how to meet ppl again. I know how to be a friend cuz i never stopped that. I found during all this that I'm too loyal,faithful,soft hearted & motherly to just abandon my family,friends or pets no matter how selfishly I wanted to give up. Good qualities I hope to find in new friends. So plz send me a message...ask me anything at all...just shoot me a note saying you think I'm a freak lol. Help me come back to this real world & be a full time person again. Share your experiences in life with me good or bad & I'll listen without judgment or biasness'. Thank you for your interest in my profile. I luv this site & the ppl on it.read less
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