Hi, I am 43 and have dealt with depression since the age of 28 years after my third baby something changed and to this day I dont know what the trigger was or what happened for things to change sure I had a couple of bad things happen in my life from about age 15/16 but doesnt everyone? Anyway I was prescribed citalopram and was on that from 2003 to around 2012 when I had a repeat episode (i had another 2 babies before 2012) and went through counselling, a couple of weeks of feeling like crap and then things picked up once citalopram was increased to 60mg with nortriptiline 10 mg for lack of 'falling asleep'... fast forward to 2017 and things took a turn for the worst, I walked out of work, started experiencing anxiety for the first time and that is the worst the feeling of helplessness, being scared, I need to get out of here, running the track in your head and being fearful of something..but you dont know what! Anyway from March to May 2017 I changed from citalopram to paroxetine that didnt work so then went to sertraline, that didnt work so went to effexor 75mg x 2 and things started to pick up until I started to feel out of sorts again so there was an increase in the dosage to 75mg x 3 at the beginning of October - and for the majority I have been ok but the ability to just being able to sit up all night and not go to sleep if I want to is just nuts - so much so that I will go to bed and if I dont doze off to sleep I end up taking half of a zoplicon to go to sleep - only when I really need to because I dont want to become dependant on them... I had a really bad day on Saturday where I felt like I had been pushing the feelings away of not wanting to do this anymore and not be here but i convinced myself that I was over thinking it and to just be 'sad' and have a good cry and release the tension so I did that twice - I woke up sunday and had a great day in the garden with my kids and being busy - positive thinking and affirmations, keeping a diary of all of the things that make me smile and that i am grateful for... basically i would like to know that with this increase with it still take the 6-8 weeks to really embed in my system so I can enjoy everday life again without the thinking of 'oh i feel like crap' or 'i just wish these dumb thoughts would go away'... i also have clonazepam on hand if i have an anxious period ... sorry for the ramble!!