I am a caregiver for my grandmother, I get off Sat night and back on MOnday morning. Most weekends i'm too tired to do anything, so I dont get out for two-three weeks usually. I have always kinda hidden my disdain for myself, and my negativity. I think everyone in the world is great, I just think i'm a giant loser that no woman will ever look at with anything other than pity.

As of late I just haven't cared about hiding it. I have gotten so unmotivated. I am an aspiring writer, working on a novel and no I don't have writers block but I am not motivated to write. I want to write... I love writing... but i just close the window mumbling "I don't feel like it". And on top of that my brain doesnt just concentrate on one thing my brain's going like 40 diff directions. I wanna write... no wait what's on facebook, no maybe i'll play some xbox, no i better check on my grandmother even though i just did a minute ago, maybe i'll get something to eat... Get the idea?

Anyway I told all this to my doctor and he put me on 150 mgs of Welbutrin XL. It has been two days, so two pills, tonight will be the third. I am not feeling any different. Shouldn't I feel more positive or idk less self loathing (NO i am not now or will i ever feel the need to harm myself in any physical way other then isolating myself from people, which I do now out of habit) and no i have no interest or anything to harm other people. This is simply a battle between me and my brain.