Hello all! I have read these posts for some time now-but this is my first post. I have been on subs for 10 months, after 4 years of hydro addiction. I had prior experience w/ the recovery world and 12-step meetings thru OA-overeaters anonymous. Food and pill addictions were the outcome of underlying issues of depression, low self-esteem, and perfectionism. I have learned so much about myself from weekly one/one therapy, meetings, and alot of reading. I was on my "pink cloud" around two years ago, I had reached a healthy weight after alot of hard work (spiritual,physical and emotional), obtained a masters degree and had the whole addiction thing under control-ha! All along, I had my secret helper that gave me the energy i needed for work, school, meetings, and gym-my lortabs. They also put me in an instant good mood. Attending OA meetings and learning about recovery for the first time and being "successful" knowing that I was high on pills-has left me so confused. I have tried a few na meetings, and felt uncomftorable from the male/female dynamic. Im pretty sure I was hit on-something I never encountered at the predominantly female OA meetings. Something that I do remember from the Na meeting was the statement-If your lonely during your recovery its your own fault. Im so lonely, but I am stuck in a rut. I dont know where I belong?! Do I try na again, go back to OA... give AA a try?? As far as friends-they are all pretty much gone. The foundation for my closest friendships was using. Setting up the pill deals, getting the pills,using the pills. In addition, I have no desire to drink alcohol on the subs. Even when I force it down, it has no affect on me. No more happy hours and drinking at parties for me. I try to still be sociable, but as others around me begin to get buzzed, I just get tired. My "best friend" told me that no one likes being around me anymore because I bring everyone down. My boyfriend left me four months into the subs. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself, and I know what I should be doing-but I cant seem to get off the couch. I do feel better when I get excercise, but I feel so tired when I get home from work. I want to make new friendships, I know I should find some new hobbies and interests, go to church-but I don't or won't ? I knew that getting clean was going to be hard work, but I never thought I would be doing it alone. I feel like I've been invited to a pity-party for one, and I desperately don't want to be here. I keep reading program material and praying, but I cant snap out of this isolation.
advice, tough love, anyone else have a similiar experience? Thanks so much for letting me share and God Bless.