I lost my best friend / my roommate last Friday. I've also suffered from severe depression for many years and now he's gone I feel so lonely so much more depressed. I don't want 2bme suicidal yet I feel so alone I'd rather b gone. I have kids but my oldest is n prison n my youngest lives 5daysclose of the week with his dad so he can attend a much better public school. I rarely work do to my physical problems n only by the Grace of God have I been able to keep my home I bought same year my body took a poo on me. My electricity will b shut off tomorrow while I'm at my best friends funeral. And he took what he had left of his body to go to work 4weeks ago to help me from losing everything I gave him all the $ I had to go n he never made it home. He worked few days each week n 4daysthis till last Friday he couldn't n he died alone n a hotel room tryin to help me fight to keep my home cause I've always took care of him. My guilt is killin me. I feel like his kids hate me. I can't nor do I want to say hey I need his check to repay me so i can keep my electricity on. He had no life insurance. His 2sisters n brother r paying for tomorrowz services.
Part of me thinks I'm unwanted part of Me don't want to go cuz of all of it. Another part hates me for even thinkin of my bills n feel so guilty that he went 2work n died of a massive heart attack!!
Yet if I don't go i'll regret it for rest of my life cuz I loved him n his family so. And him n I had our 1st fight n it was over $ cuz everything is so behind.
I had good responses from another question i posted so I'm sitting here pouring my guts out n cyberspace not knowing what to do.