I never wanted to take meds for my depression(diagnosed by my doc, caused by a chemical imbalance and set off by some HUGE changes), but it got to the point where nothing else helped. My psychiatrist prescribed me 10 mg pills of Lexapro, which I took for about 6 months. I stopped once during that time and I became manic and everything was 10 times worse. I stopped the second time because my prescription ran out and I couldn't afford more. At the time I stopped, I felt healthy enough to deal with life and I've been good since(excelling in college, accepting my past), but recently I've been having MAJOR mood swings and I cry randomly. My bf asks me why I'm sad, but I can't tell him why, because I don't know myself. I'm happy one second, quiet the next. I'm constantly afraid of spiraling down like last time, and I don't feel myself anymore. Also, I can't sleep, normally I wake up 2-5 times per night, and just lay in bed wishing I were well.
I'm considering going back to my doctor to try to fix myself, my question is does this normally happen to people when they go off their meds? Will I ever be happy without being on medication?
*also, if it helps I have also been taking Depo Provera(birth control shot) for the past year. I do not drink, and I quit smoking two 1/2 months ago(after smoking 6 months).