Hello, I am 28 years old and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when I was 25. I have had three episodes and my 3rd relapse happened recently in June of 2016. I was at the hospital for 1 week and I was released thinking that I was better, but I wasn't. At that time, when I met with my psychiatrist, she added Zyprexa along with Lithium that I was taking before and I gradually gained 10-15 pounds! That was my biggest issue and on top of that, I was still feeling paranoid and having anxiety attacks so both medications did not work out for me. I was also had psychosis and I started feeling depressed because I was unexpectedly hospitalized again and I questioned when I would be back to "normal" again as far as getting my happiness and active lifestyle back. I didn't like the fact that I gained weight and I was comparing myself before when I was smaller.
Then, I saw my doctor again and she took Zyprexa out and added Latuda with Lithium. Still, I wasn't comfortable and I guess I was anxious to get better and again, my issue was my weight gain so finally, she took Lithium and Latuda out and prescribed me with an FDA approved medication close to Lithium, LAMICTAL. I started with a low dosage but at times I would cry and get emotional with my mom telling her that I feel hopeless and I wonder if I will get better. I felt depressed but now I'm at 100mg which will increase to 200mg and I hope for a better change. Actually, the 100mg has slowly helped because I don't feel the way I felt before when I took the other meds. My only concern now is my weight and the fact that I will hopefully get back to my normal happy and active life. They say Lamictal makes you lose weight and it doesn't really make you gain weight, hopefully that is true. Thank you for reading my story. I hope I get a response.
Hi Meggie. Thank you for your response, I do appreciate that. Now as you've read, my biggest challenge is the weight gain. After taking medications before I started taking Lamictal, I gained weight. So when you loss the weight, did you actually started working out or you just naturally lost it? For me, I just want my active life back. We'll see because I just started taking it. I think my weight is neutral right now. I don't think I'm gaining weight nor losing it. I guess I just have to eat less. Again thank you and is that your email address?
Charlotte
Hi Charlotte!
I actually didn't change anything, I just went about normal living. Maybe my appetite wasn't as "ravenous" as before... that was the difference. I didn't crave sweets like I did before. So passing them up was what made the big difference, I think. :0)
I think you'll have great success and be very happy with this change! Go, Charlotte, Go! HeeHee
I just went about normal living! Maybe my appetite wasn't as "ravenous" as before because I didn't crave sweets anymore.
I'm excited for you!
Hi Meggie!! Thank you for the motivation boost. My brother also helps me out and I am going to start working out as well. Exercising has been a big part of my life and it stopped when I had my 3rd episode. :( I'm starting back to square one but as they, you have start somewhere! My loss of interests is slowly going away and my motivation is slowly getting back. Thanks again for responding. :) You're awesome and I hope you continue to progress as well as I do!!!
I'm so glad to hear that your motivation is coming back! You will feel so much better about yourself once you fall into your old healthy routine again. :-)
( sorry about the double post earlier, the first one got pulled from moderation so I tried posting again with less text, and it got pulled from moderation too ... but now they both got published LOL)
Hello Meggie... if you have any friends from this site, can you share my story? Also, how long have you had bipolar? I was wondering if you can tell me your story. Do you also take Lamictal? Thanks for your feedback!!
Charlotte:)
Hi Charlotte!
Why don't WE become friends, and then that will loop you in with friends that I have, which is an awesome group of people!!!
I know that "they" say people are born with bipolar, while "others" say that bipolar can lie dormant as a genetic propensity, then get "triggered" with a trauma. I don't know which is true, I just know that I changed from one person to a completely different person when I went through an abusive marriage. I went from being sweet and soft to being hard and having pointy edges. I guess you get that way when you never know when the next hit is coming. My main point is, I became an ANGRY person. I was full of resentment towards people who weren't there for me, and childhood things came up, and I couldn't let go.
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I dealt with depression since I was a child - that much I do know. But I do feel like a light switch was turned on because I was never the same after my divorce, and always had the same problems in every relationship I tried to have after that. I would love the person so much, but couldn't help getting angry at just about everything they did.
I tried reading every self-help book out there. I took abnormal psychology classes from Ph.D.-level professors. I tried eight or nine different antidepressants - some made me worse than I even was when I started. I wondered about bipolar, but I never had the typical "manic high's" i.e. euphoria, I'm on top of the world, I don't sleep for days, and don't need it either ... things like that.
But after 10 years with my most recent Dr., he retired, and I was forced to find someone new. I got a referral to someone I was told was amazing, and in my first visit, we had a gene test done. The results coincided with my experiences with the antidepressants. Every single one that caused me to get worse was on the list of *danger - avoid* because I carry a certain gene. It was that test that recommended I try Lamictal. My Doctor said that I didn't show signs of any psychosis and this was completely up to me, but sometimes, this can be very helpful in treatment-resistant depression, so I said "sign me up!" I didn't care that it was a bipolar medicine, I just wanted to feel better and lift the fog.
Within days of starting treatment, I felt completely different, but then it went away after about 48 hours. I told my Dr. at my next visit, and I said "it's all in my mind that it worked like that, isn't it?" and she said "No! It's genetics! Your body responded to it positively and we got a really positive result, but because I basically gave you a pediatric level, it dropped off quickly." She then told me that anger and irritation are classic signs of bipolar, something I hadn't heard, ever.
Apparently, we have so much whirring around our minds, so much worry worry worry, we're in a constant state of stress, that if anyone comes into the 'laser beam of that concentration' they get the pointy end of that stick. And also, because we think about so many possibilities and see things from every possible angle ("what if" scenarios), we can never make decisions, and instead make a bad decision by doing nothing at all. We have so many creative ideas, we spend so much money on bringing to reality what we see in our minds' eye, but the perfectionist inside sees that it's not turning out as we imagined, so we feel abject frustration, and leave the project in a half-finished state ... with craft projects and expensive materials all over the house. I guess by "we" I should really be saying "me" regarding the above.
Anyway, in my case, I decided to take a look through my email history and look for abnormal behavior, such as large spending sprees or seeking ... er ... 'company.' And I found that there WAS a cyclical pattern, an up down, up down. I would go through six-to-nine months of horrible depression, then suddenly, I would spend $2,500 on THINGS in one month. And in that same month, I would be out seeking partnering with men OR women, it didn't matter to me. I never did follow through on any of those emails, so I thought it was harmless, but the behavior was there, and it was meaningful. I brought that information (and the dates) to my Doctor, and that's when she finally diagnosed me as Bipolar, and put me on an Antipsychotic (plus the Lamictal).
I started on what you were (are?) on, and went fully manic. I spent $3,000 in one week. My Dr. said that it wasn't the Antipsychotic that did it, but the antidepressant that was part of the combined medicine. We stopped that immediately and started on another, and I was more balanced that I've ever felt in my life. I was happy and healthy, but I gained a lot of weight ... so I stopped taking it, and the weight fell off. Then, I started taking an Antipsychotic known to be weight-neutral, and had an allergic reaction that had me on emergency leave from work for a month (that really sucked). I tried another one, which was great for sleep, but it kept me too sleepy during the day. Now, I'm finally on another Antipsychotic (plus Lamictal) that is leaving me feeling balanced like the one that made me gain so much weight, which makes me so happy, but as I go up higher and higher in dose, my eating is increasing, and I know the scale will reflect that before long. It's frustrating, but my depression is gone, so is my anger.
It's clear to me now that I do have an imbalance of chemicals in my brain, this isn't something I can "control" on my own through an attitude adjustment, there IS help for me out there (and other people), and the treatments DO work. :0)
I hope this helps give you a little more confidence that you're going to be okay, just give it time. You might need to make adjustments here or there, but the bottom line is, we are rational, good people who just need a little help, and there are caring Doctors who want to see us get well and be our partners in doing just that.
I'll send you that friend request right now, and you can private message me if you want to know the names of the medications I've mentioned, etc.