I am a 23 year old female that has recently been diagnosed with bipolar II (rapid cycling), after being diagnosed with GAD, borderline, panic disorder, social phobia, severe depression, depersonalization in the past. I have started taking lamotrigine and have been on it for 8 days - today being the first day I upped the dose from 25mg to 50mg. I am new to using mood stabilizers, but I specifically requested this one due to the low side-effect profile and the apparent effectiveness that it has had on symptoms of borderline personality, depersonalization, anxiety, etc.
My question now is: as a person who does not enjoy being on medication, if I choose to end my use of the drug in a few months, will I spiral back into deep depression, or have others found that it allowed them to mitigate the symptoms of their BP/make long term effective changes? And secondly, I am heavily involved in the arts and am very concerned of the impact that lamotrigine will have on my creativity - can anyone share their experiences with how it has helped or hindered their ability to think creatively/abstractly? Lastly, I have heard that the drug has an 'activating' effect once you reach a therapeutic dose. When this happens- what does it feel like? I am afraid of feeling foreign to myself and having such a drastic personality change that I will appear very different/dulled down.
Thank you for any guidance that you may be able to offer!