... I have Major Depression and at this point in time I am needing him to be by my side more than ever, but instead I have found myself doubting him and catching him in lies. All of a sudden he has told me that he needs "guy" time so all day yesterday he didn't answer any of my calls from the time he took me home at 9am until 6am the next morning. I tried on and off to try and call him and he wouldn't answer. There was even a question about me going into the hospital! He knew we were waiting to hear from my Psychiatrist, but he left and said he had to clear his head. He said it wasn't me, but it was that he was mad at the way he had let me down and hurt me. Is that just a cop-out? Im losts and confused and I need help. Did my being depressed push him away? He say's that he thinks that he is depressed. Did I let this destroy my relationship?
Oh dear i hope not sweety i hope it is a perfectly legit reason he is acting so crazy if you think about it though if he cant handle your depression he cant handle kids or marriage or life in general. It sounds like he is making up stupid excuses not to be around you my husband would never give me no bullshit like that there is no such thing as "guy" time. Just tell him cut the shit and give you a straight up reason why he is acting like such a jerk. To be honest with you he may not be answering the phone because he is doing something he is not suppose to be doing i guess you can use your imagination from there. I think yall both need to sit down and have a talk tell him to be honest with you cause you really need him right now and if he is not going to be around for you then your going to find someone that will be. I wish you the best and we are all here for you if you need someone to talk too michelle.
Well, for whatever it's worth, don't blame yourself for anything! I'm married with two very young kids, who I love more than can be written, and my wife who I also love, however, have always had severe problems whenever I have mental problems. I suffer from depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, and fibromyalgia. She wants to be there for me, she wants to understand, but as an overall, she doesn't, and isn't compassionate when it comes to these sorts of things. Recently, I was (and still am) discontinuing one of my many meds - Lyrica, something that has little effect on me (for the intended purpose as a pain killer), although, have been on it for a couple years now. When I got from the original 225 down to 75mg (with steps in-between), I became depressed and anxious. As a result, my wife became very angry and not tolerant.
I went back to the psychiatrist, and we switched from Pristiq over to Cymbalta so that I could take a higher dosage of a similar medication. Once I was stable, our relationship has also become stable. I don't blame her, and I don't blame myself. It just seems that she has never been in a situation like this, and cannot relate, and I think that this is true with many people. It is also probably one of the major reasons why mental illness is so tabu. Unless you've been there yourself, I don't think that it is possible to really understand what the person is going through. I may be mistaken, but your boyfriend doesn't sound depressed, but sounds like he's feeling more guilty than anything for being such a jerk (no offense). His avoidance with "guy time" along with lying doesn't sound like typical depression to me, but it sounds more like he just doesn't understand. It's an awful situation, and if this ruins the relationship, then that definitely means that he's not the right one for you. He'll never be able to stand by you during any sort of difficult times, including finances, children (if that should ever be in the plans), and all of the unpredictable things that lay ahead. My wife may not understand, and we have our troubles, but she has no intention on going anywhere, and doesn't go into any sort of avoidance mode. We have had our hard times, as well as our good times, and it just happens that she may not understand what it is like to have a mental illness, but she has made it very clear to me many times, that she's not going anywhere.
Jk13 and Mrspage82 are exactly right. I tell my patients this: Look, you didn't ASK anyone to let you suffer from depression, right? I mean, if you honestly had a choice in the matter, I'm sure you would've passed on having to deal with it DAILY, am I right? Well, since I am POSITIVE you didn't elect to suffer from this disaease (and YES I think depression is a disease), then there is NO WAY in the universe this could be your fault. Now, like Mrs.Page suggested, I think you should ask your boyfriend if you two could have a GROWN-UP converstaion about the whole thing. If he truly cares, then he will accept and you two need to work this out. IF he can't accept that this is a circumstance that is BIGGER than the both of you, then you need to cut ties and move on, be it as friends or whatever. He has to know that YOU aren't going to be able to change (no matter how hard you may want to) over night.
I hope he is the kind of guy who will apologize and actively stick by you through this, but if he can't, then you have to be the kind of gal who is able to move on (no matter how long it takes) knowing it wasn't YOUR fault. I'll step down off of my soap box now and hope this made some sort of sense. Good luck and stop blaming yourself.
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