My boyfriend has a drug use history with heroin and other opiates. He was back and forth in rehabs, hung with all the wrong people, and finally went to jail for 7 months in 2009. Him and I got together before his jail sentence. I am not a drug user and never have been. According to him, he has been clean since july 2009, before he went to jail. Once out in feb 2010, he began a methadone maintenance clinic, and was given weekend take homes after a few months because according to him, good behavior and clean toxes give you take homes so you don't have to go in every morning for the medicine. He fell into a great job, with a boss who is well aware of his past, and who keeps an eye on him and knows what to look for. Since moving in with me, he has completely cut contact with all his old friends (doesn't talk to ANYONE of them), he has maintained his job, and brings home a full paycheck each week so I know he is really going. He gave me full control of his money, and access to see what he is spending, and there is never more than $20 a week unaccounted for (for little things like drinks, snacks, etc), and even then because his money is direct deposited on a card, I can see where it was spent. He is always home, and errands generally take as long as they should (old friends live an hour away, so he can't exaclty randomly see them without me knowing he is gone). Despite this, I worry he is lying and still using. He is sleepy alot and his eyes look small, but I do not know if that is just due to the combination of having to wake up at 5am everyday to make it to the methdone clinic before work, and then work construction all day long. He never seems to do the "normal" indicators of drug use, so I don't know if I am being paranoid and just too tough on him. He is trying to quit smoking, and is struggling, so occassionally he lies about that. He lies, but they are always little things that I catch him in and explain that he would be better off telling the truth (ex. buying a pack of cigs when he said he didnt-stupid stuff). Because of this, I have trouble believing he is not lying about other things. Any advice??? Does it sound like i am just paranoid and he is actually doing ok? Everytime I confront him and ask if he's using, he tells me to please suprise him on random week nights and drug test him, he says drugs ruined his life, and never wants to use again. whenever we go on wknd trips or anything he never runs off or finds excuses to leave anywhere. Any opinions-i'm just concerned that he's really good at being sneaky, and despite my efforts to stay on top of things, he's getting around to doing stupid stuff?? Sorry so long. Thank you
It sounds like he is on the straight and narrow to me. I think the methadone is causing the drowsiness and small pupils. He does sound like he is trying to quit smoking but, even if he has slips with that, and might fudge the truth on that, it does not mean he is lying about the other and using. If you know where his money is, that he is not hanging out with bad friends, is where he is supposed to be, that makes him sound legit. The only way I could see him being guilty of opiate abuse with all the other ducks in a row, is if someone were giving them to him for free. Methadone is supposed to block other opiates also, so, there might not be any point in him doing other opiates. I think you might be just over worried. I hope so, it sounds like it, if all you put here is true. Patti
I can understand your worry and been anxious about your boyfriend,but i think i would give him the benefit of doubt?Maybe i'm completely wrong here,you know him after all but it seems he really is trying what with working and handing up his pay packet plus as you said his boss is also keeping an eye,i think if there was anything unusual about his ways,the boss would pick up on it.Plus your fella has asked you to make him take random drug tests,i think if he was using he certainly would'nt suggest that to you,although i know maybe you think he is just testing you saying that cause he knows you wont ask him to take one,only you know if he could think like that,does he think you would'nt ask him?If you're worried or still concerned-test him,tell him to take a test.Maybe with him trying to give up the cigs aswell its adding extra pressure on him and he's lying to you cause he does'nt want to let you down,but we all know that lies dont work.Trust your own instincts girl,you know what he's like.I know it is worrying and i understand where you're coming from but if you dont trust him,prove yourself wrong and get him to do the test,i think thats whats needed.Put your mind at ease.Let us know how it goes.
Best of luck to you both
I would lay off and give the guy a chance to prove himself. Maybe that sounds harsh, but you need to build trust between the two of you if the relatiosnhip is going to last. Trusting him maybe the piece that is missing and just what the relationship needs. You can't be his patrol men for ever. He doesn't need a caretaker, he needs a girlfriend that trusts him.
Just my thoughts and I wish you and him the very very best,
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