Last night i was invited to a party. It was for my co workers sister, she has breast cancer. I got caught doing cocaine and got thrown out. I was so upset and angry at myself i went downtown and smoked crack with some random people. I was so out of it i wanted to die and wished for an OD. My friend told me not to bring that crap into his sisters house and i did it anyways because i am no longer able to have a couple beers like a normel guy. I have been doing coke for 10 years now and i really really dont wanna die and leave my mom alone. i just hate myself and dont know what my place in life is.
You have an illness called drug addiction and need to seek professional help. Whether that be rehabiltation in a facility or therapy with an addiction's counselor, addressing the problem and the issues surrounding it are paramount.
Rather than beat yourself up, face the problem and seek help. There is hope!!
In my opinion and experience you're gonna have to WANT to quit for good,not be a social user or take when you're out with mates having a few beers,you are gonna want to stop altogether,it wont work doing it in half measures or tell yourself "its no big deal if i have a few lines",you need to get away from your present company,social hangouts whatever the case maybe.
Go see your doc,tel him/her the situation you are in,they may prescribe something that will help ease wd's while you are coming off it,stop the cravings/body aching and shakes that comes along with quitting cocaine,i myself done it cold turkey and it was hard,hard,but its possible!I would recommend as Laurie suggested that you find meetings to attend so you can speak to other people in the same situation as you are in now!!
You have to hit rock bottom before you wake up and realise you dont want this way of life,you want a better one where you will have your family around you,make a living for yourself,you will be able to go out in the future and enjoy yourself without having to sneak those little lines to make you feel better..
All the coke is doing to you right now is killing your self esteem,its making you THINK you cannot enjoy just a few beers but in reality and i dont mean to sound cruel,but thats an addicts way of thinking,you can have a few beers and enjoy a night out,you're just used to taking the lines along with the beer and thats making you think you feel good and help you mix with people and maybe talk like you cant without the white,but believe me its not,I'm guessing you're feeling depressed when the come down hits you,then you feel the need for more and its"how will i get it?Have i money for it?"
Its so not worth it,you'll go down the line of having nothing,no friends/family/money and self worth and in the long run,your body and mind should mean more to you then that!!
I am an addict-recovering one so to say,clean now over 4years,but i am left with anxiety/severe panic attacks and depression,i know all that plays a big part in the drugs i took in the past and the self respect and dignity i lost while been that person i was through taking drugs.. It might seem impossible to quit but believe me,with the right mind and help from meetings etc,you can get through this!!
I'm here to talk anytime you need,i know and understand what it is like,its a tough road but you can beat this addiction!! Please read what i said carefully,i am speaking from the heart and i would love to help anyway i can!!
Take care and i wish you all the best
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