Things have not been so well lately and my anxiety is worsening by the day. How so, do you wonder? During an attack the other day, I constantly ground the knuckles of my right hand into the back of my left hand until I burnt the skin an area of the size of a quarter. The entire area around it turned bluish-green in bruises. 'I've never been bad enough to the point of hurting myself like this before and it scares me. My anxiety attacks are getting more frequent, I'm having more frequent headaches as well. I feel like I'm at a loss as to explain how things are happening like this. I know the stress of my illness is a large part of it, as is the fact that disability is stretching me a long without paying me as well. Sometimes I feel like its all just too much, and I get the feeling of the lil girl lost and crying in the woods, searching for a way home, but in looking for the way out, she gets herself deeper and deeper and deeper in the forest. I know everyone has their problems, and others tell me I just need to suck it up learn to be tough. But there are times when that toughness just isnt enough, ya know? I've always been the strong one, the one everyone runs to... now I just want to run, but i have nowhere to go.
Seeking peace,
Tee