... drug addicts through my entire childhood and adult life. For my entire life I have been lied to and betrayed. I always knew there was something wrong with me but I never knew what it was until my sister finally told me the truth. I have a 100% co-dependent personality. My family is in the medical profession - my father was a pharmacist and brother was a doctor - all of them are addicts. I hate addicts so much and I am in so much pain from being lied to all of my life. I can't stop crying. My father used to lecture about the evils of drug addiction and my mother has repeatedly told me she never used anything stronger than asprin. I believed these people because I accepted their lies as truth from early childhood. Now I've finally connected the dots and I am completely devastated. I hate addicts because all this time they have had a choice - but I never had a choice because I never knew the truth. I have always cared more about my 80 yr old mother than I have ever cared about myself - but I didn't understand why - I could never figure out why I wasn't able to make the normal break from their parents that most people do in adolescence. I have had terrible health issues and many surgeries as well as being extremely depressed most of my life yet my mother has never called me - I always call her. I talked to her everyday b/c I called her - always worried about her and always trying for her approval - never able to cut the unbilical cord. Since I found out the truth last week I stopped calling her. Words can't describe the hatred I feel for her. I have gone from caring more about her than I have ever cared about myself to hoping she dies a miserable painful death. I hate addicts. I think they should all be shot. I wish I could bring my deceased father back and shoot him myself. I would never choose to have anything to do with an addict. For 54 yrs I didn't have a choice because I didn't know the truth. Now that I have a choice my family will never see me again. My mother will never see my children again - her only grandchildren. Now after all this time of never calling me despite all the problems I have had - now that she knows that I know the truth she is calling night and day. She leaves messages saying she is worried about me. Funny - she wasn't worried when I nearly died from a ruptured appendix. She wasn't worried when I had an ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery. She wasn't worried when I was depressed and suicidal. But now that I finally know the truth and can begin to heal myself - she is worried. Even though I am in extreme pain and can't stop crying I also know that I am finally free. I am liberated. I have finally started feeling my feelings. I hope there is a support group for people like myself - I never would have knowingly had anything to do with an addict and I don't want to change them or have anything to do with them - I just want to heal myself
Whoa, that sounds like a lot of tragedy in your family.
You do sound a wee bit depressed, perhaps, if you are in agreement, an antidepressant may help you out?
We try very hard not to judge people on this site, and saying things like you want to shoot drug addicts sounds a bit well, unhealthy. But hey, we all have opinions.
May I ask what your mum is addicted to? If you don't mind of course.
Best wishes to you,
OMGosh, my friend, I hate that you are going through this & just finding all this out at one time, I can understand how you feel. Just remember that they shielded you for a reason, & that reason was to try to give you a normal life. It sounds like you have had your share of medical problems & made it thru without drugs etc... which a lot of people don't . You family is to be pitied, not hated, but I understand your fury of not being told this your whole life. Maybe we can help you come to terms with this, but I really feel deep inside you need some counseling with a profesional therapist to learn to not hate , but maybe pity them all & how to deal with all of this. It will be hard on your children to just stop seeing grandma epecially at her age of 80. She may not be around for a long time, & they should have the privledge of seeing thier grandparent if they so choose.
I would definately talk to a counselor about all of this before you even spring it on your children if you havent yet. Please, please seek counseling for you & your childrens sake. My heart goes out to you, & I hope you can learn to deal with this in your own way & not turn your children to hate their grandparents. They are the innocent ones now as you were growing up. so please take a moment to think about how to handle this news with your children. Good luck & please wirte to us anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever. We are just everyday people, but all have had some sort of tradgedies in our lives & maybe can help you heal...
It sounds like your family has been thrugh some hell and probabaly still are. I believe you can get through this like you said with some councilling and support. It really des seem your family has tried to protect you from the hell they have been going through. I think that shows love. You may not wanna here this but nobody ever says when I grow up I'm gonna be an addict of narcotics,obituates,opiats and and other drug. It is a mistake people make in their lives that can't just be turned back of like a switch it takes dedication, a lot of streghnth and support. If you maybe try to here both sides of the story and try to understand and help them to get help. I don't know the whole story if you was neglected abused or anything like that then I honestly would hate them to but if they tried to give you a good life through the hell that I'm sure they've went through maybe with help you can all heal. One way or another I wish you happiness and peace in your lif. Thake care
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