Hi, I'm 15 and worried there's something wrong with me. I thought i might have bpd, but i've come to realize you can't diagnose that until the age of 18 or something. I'll start by telling you everything that's going on. My mother passed away last year, and i thought i was handling it well, but i guess not. I cut myself, i feel very anxious for no reason a lot of the time or usually i get anxious thinking about my future, i sometimes feel very confident and then some days ill feel worthless. I have these feelings of emptyness, most of the time i feel empty and anxious at the same time. I'll like a guy a lot but after a couple of days or weeks i'll change my mind completely and get disgusted of the person. Then i'll change my mind about the person, then i'll go back to not wanting the person. I overeat a lot, although i'm pretty skinny, i usually eat when i'm really full, and i'll keep eating and it feels uncontrollable. I get angry really easily, and once something ticks me off badly i start screaming, swearing,and smashing things. My moods good from happy to sad to nervous to normal to angry within hours and days and sometimes weeks. I've contemplated suicide, somewhat attempted it, but stopped myself for my sister. I'm not an open person, i don't like talking about my feelings, and my dad wouldn't believe anything i say. When i really look up to someone, ill try to be like them, ill try to dress like that person and act like that person. I feel like I have to know what I want to do in the future, and I change my mind a lot, sometimes ill doubt myself sometimes, then be extremely confident I can suceed in life. That's all i can think of right now.
The feelings you are having are normal after a sudden loss BUT I would really urge you to talk to someone. Talk to your doctor first and he/she can refer you to the appropriate person. Basically you need help to get past all the hard things you've been through. Please see your doctor as soon as possible.
Be as open as you can be with them ... like you've been here and they can help. All the best.
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