This isnt really a question, it's more of a need for advice of what to do in a situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months now and we never had any kind of problems. Here and there he would ask me for money for cigarettes or something little like that then a few weeks ago he called me asking for 60 dollars and he was panicing because he "owed" some people money for drugs. He told me he was selling them because he needed more money to pay for his apartment. I didnt have the 60 to give him but i helped him out with 20 of my own graduation money. He knew i was getting sick of him asking me for money but i thought i was doing a good thing by helping him out every once in awhile. Yesterday he told me we needed to talk about some things and he said he was going to get help and i asked what for and he said he has a drug problem. I've never been so hurt in my life because he has lied to me multiple times and completely destroyed my trust with him. I need help on what to do about this problem I want to stay with him but some friends have told me to go on a break so he can get help. Love is a funny thing.. you're completely blinded to reality. I would really appreciate any kind of advice or input to my problem. Thank you!
Well my friend, Welcome my name is marjorie zych, I personally think you need to make up your mind what you will tolerate and what you will not, then you need to let him know and see what he does and says. If he goes and gets help and it's what you want then he will need some support to stay clean. He is going to need the support of others who have been where he is now like NA for instance and possibly AA may help as well if he drinks too and then maybe if you want to stay you may want to get some support from ALANON which is a support group for family and significant others concerned with there loved ones habits and what is doing to the family/significant others involved. This site is a very wonderful support also, there are alot of great people here who have been on both sides and are a wonderful support system as well.
Please feel free to ask for any support you may need in reaching a decision and keeping to it no matter which way you choose I am here to listen as well, unfortunately giving him anymore money is just feeding into it though and it is taking away from you so I personnally suggest NO MORE for now until you decide what you want to do with the relationship o.k., marjorie zych
Love is a funny thing. But sometimes you have to let it go. You sound really young and I don't think you realize the problems that can come of this in the future.
I met my husband when I was in my early 20. Him being about 10 years older than Me. When I met him I was just getting out of a relationship with a guy I had been with for 2 years who had children and I felt I had lost my family. I was so lost and depressed. My now husband had been using opiates such As oxy contin heroin morphine ect. And I didn't know till about 2 months into it. Some how my depression got the best of Me and I ended up trying what he was using. For 3 years it was hell getting using and finding ways to get more. We lost everything. We always said we wanted to clean up but being together we couldn't. I know you don't have a drug problem. We finally seperated to get clean. We got on Methadone and lived apart for one year. We moved back in together and everything was amazing. We both got really good jobs. Got married and got a huge house! Slowley I started noticing things going missing. 60 bucks here and there. My grandmas wedding rings. And then I started finding used needles sometimes. And I started to confront him but he would get so angry and wouldn't even talk about it he would just be like I'm not using and I'm leaving you! The only problem is about 6 months ago I got laid off from my job and we have a ton of debt in my name since his credit was bad from before. I basically depend on him right now otherwise I would be like see ya! Because I know first hand how this works
Slowley this is going to progress into something worse!
The same thing happened to a friend of mine. Her husband hid his addiction until she caught him stealing out of her bank account. Luckily she doesn't put up with crap and she gave him one change to compleet re hab. And he did but didn't stay clean he got out and did it again and when she confronted him this time he beat the crap out of her in front of their 4 year old son! She called the cops slapped a restraining order on him and he can only see his son after court and at a supervised cas building! These drugs are a serious addiction and I think its great he came to you saying he wants to get help. The problem is many people want help with these drugs but they stay in the cycle due to the euphoria they cause As well As the physical addiction. If he is addicted to these drugs now chances are you will live this cycle As long As your with him. He will cry for help maybe get clean and then go back and do it all over again. People do make it. They get clean and stay clean it happens but not often enough! You need to decide If you want to chance a only 3 month relationship on this. Or move on now befor you get more emotionally involved.
Love is blind sweetheart we only want to see good things in the men we love:) we dont want to see all the bad things happening. We want to believe that nothing is wrong and that they are telling the truth so we wont be hurt when we find out they are not being truthful. I have talked to many women that have asked this question on drugs.com and to be honest with all of you nobody is going to take our advice unless they want to no matter how much we tell them how much of a bad situation they are in. That never matters its about their feelings and if they realize they are in bad situation they will leave but this will only happen when they are ready. When to much is too much already for them they will leave the bad situation when they are ready. Nothing we say today will make them change their mind but may help them make up their mind. All i wanna say to you talor346 good luck to you i hope you take care of yourself. Put yourself first for once and dont put yourself in a bad situation you are so much better than that.
I know a lot of people are not going to agree with me but here it goes!
When you are an "addict," you are usually not yourself, your mind is somewhere else, usually only focused on your drug, how to obtain it, etc. As a recovering addict I know, I know how he feels when it comes to getting more pills, what happens when you DONT have pills and how you feel, and so on. I dont know him, but the fact that he was honest with you, told you he has a problem and needs help says a lot about him. Its VERY hard to be honest when you have a problem, its hard to admit it to others let alone yourself! If he didnt care about you and didnt want to be with you, he would have continued to lie to you, take your money, etc. He has a problem, he told you the truth, I think that you being his girlfriend should be there for him while he gets help and support him. How would you feel if you confided in him then he dumped you? However, if he isnt serious about quitting and you find him not making the effort, you should probably tell him either get clean or get out. But for now, he has a problem and he needs help and your love and support, so be there for him every step of the way. Quitting is very very very hard, I had to do it ALONE (I was too scared to tell my husband, go figure) and at times I felt like I had no reason to live. He will go through many emotions and most likely have bad withdrawls, so prepare yourself! But i bet that when he is clean and back to "himself," he is a decent, respectable guy and you will fall in love all over again! Good luck!
My adivice? If your heart isn't too far into this relationship... RUN! I can promise you there is nothing but heartache and pain to follow... regardless of his actions (positive or negitive). I am into a eight month relationship which also started this way. I HAD NO IDEA! Now? I wish I was still in the dark OR had run away when I found out 2 months in. It is so sad that these drugs ruin lives like they do. It will cost you dearly, both monetary and emotionally. If you ever wanna chat, let me know. I am still on the verge of leaving/staying. It is like the circus... round in circles, worse every time... read some of my questions... and answers... see if it helps. Good luck ttfn
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