... and have never gone to an NA meeting(BIG MISTAKE). Little background info... took my first pill ever at 41 and found it took away my depression and made me happy, and so it was a downward spiral from there. Hid my addiction for 3 years from everyone and finally decided to get off this rollercoaster and go to rehab. Told my family and they were VERY supportive, including my husband who was SHOCKED at first ,then angry and finally behind me 100 percent. Only spent two weeks in rehab, got the swine flu while I was there and needed to come home. Thought I had all the tools I needed to NEVER go back but I have been off and on with the vicodin in some form for the past year with no one knowing. Most clean time I had was from July to december when I got sick and requested Tussionex. Two weeks later I started with vicodin for knee pain. I am out of pills now and am dreading the horrible physical feeling and terrible emotional emptiness. I know I need to go to meetings but any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance and hope I wasn't rambling!!