Hello. My name is Carl. I am 35 years old.
I was addicted to Vicodin, then Percocets, then Fentanyl Patches. Started in January 2005. First clean day was June 05, 2011. I have no problems with withdrawals. I have no cravings. That part came relatively easy for me. The few first days were awful, yes, but after that I actually got excited I was clean. For the next 2 weeks or so, I was happy... AND sober! Then... that was gone. So for the past 5 weeks or so I have been struggling with Lack of Energy, Moodiness, Anxiety... basically Depression. Most days I have to force myself to do everything. Wash clothes, clean house, get off the couch... Work is my only "activity" right now. And that is a definite struggle too. Most days I want to walk out, but I know that is giving in to the addiction, in some way.
I KNOW I never want to get addicted to ANYTHING ever again. The next time I fear I WILL lose everything, like I almost did. No. I will stay this way forever, if that's what it turns out to be. A moody, crybaby, depressed jerk I am right now!! lol
And I know... I keep reading exercise, exercise, exercise. Thing is, even prior to 2005 when I honestly didn't know what Vicodin was, I never exercised or ate right. That seems so foreign to me. I know it will help. But with this lack of motivation (or lack of everything) I am not sure how to start. I am eating a "little" better, or more I guess... but that's about it.
Tell me the truth... will these yucky feelings go away on their own over time? Or will I always feel this way unless I start forcing myself not to by doing things I have no interest in doing? I was lazy with a "life" before addiction... will I be able to get there again, or have the drugs ruined that? Know what I mean?
Thank you to whomever reads this. Thank you to whomever responds.