When I first started dating my boyfriend I knew he did heroin but I didn't really care because I thought it was just going to be a fling. I don't do the stuff and I never have. I think it is kind of sickening. But when I am with him it is different it just doesn't bother me. Well we started getting more serious and now I am in love with him and I don't want him to do this stuff anymore if he wants to stay with me. Well he got in some trouble with it and after that I told him I can't be with someone like this who I am going to have to worry about all the time that something bad is going to happen. So he quit. He said he didn't want to do it anymore and he would do anything for our relationship. I know its a real real real hard habit to quit. I watched my brother go through it and my dad. So I took him with me for a couple days to place where he didn't know anyone and he had no way of getting his fix so he could detox. And he is doing so good. Well he tells me every couple days that he feels like doing drugs and it just pisses me off. And I know I can't be like that. But I don't know what to do I don't know what to say to him to help him not want to do it. I've never been in his situation before I don't know what its like. I caught him trying to shoot up the other day and just freaked out. took his needle bent it squirted everything out of it and just yelled at him and I know it doesn't make things better. Please help me or give me pointers on how to encourage him to do better and show him I have faith in him.
I would seriously encourage you and your friend to go to NA and a support group for you as well as possible counseling together if you two really love each other. If you do trust him you need to let go and let him make his decision but you need to make up your mind what you will tolerate and what you won't and then talk to him and let him know your decision and he will have to make up his mind what is more important--you or drugs. If he chooses drugs then you will have to decide if that is the way of life you want if not you may need to move on--- it is not easy and you may need some support--this site is full of good people who have been there me for one. Don't know about the good person part but I have been there and have had to leave that situation before and it wasn't easy to do it but I chose a drug free life and that's the way it is going to stay from now on--if you need a friend I am here and I am sure there are many others that would be too.
Good luck my friend and let me know how it goes if you don't mind. No matter what you choose o.k.. marjorie zych
Hi breebo_37. My heart goes out to you, being in such a difficult situation. There is one thing you do have to understand though, from the start. When you are addicted to heroin (or mostly any heavy duty drug), it is your first love, your first thought, and the only thing that keeps you going. Your boyfriend is there, and I'm so sorry to have to say that. Now, the rest. It doesn't necessarily have to stay that way, but it is going to take a tremendous amount of effort on both parts, to turn this around. You must remember, that the heroin has been his partner for a long time and he has loved it above all else, or he would not be where he is. The biggest question is, does he really want to quit, and is it for you, for him, or for both of you? This will take your sitting down with him calmly, and discussing the whole situation. It should not be during a withdrawel or a heavily "stoned" period either if possible.
Just a regular discussion between two people who love each other and have a very difficult problem to face. I'm sure he loves you, but his first love is still the heroin, as you have seen. He must look at the whole picture and decide where it is you fit into his life, and how much he is willing to do, to keep you. You must decide pretty much the same thing. You can't blackmail him with your love as the "ransom." You must be open and honest with him, and even more with yourself as to what and how much you can take to stay with him. Getting angry will only serve to make the situation more difficult for you both. You most definitely can tell him how angry and hurt you are, but do it calmly and with the strength to tell him exactly how much you can or can't take. Before you do this, you must decide for yourself, how far you can go, before giving up and moving on, which is something you must be prepared to do if things can't be what you need them to be for you. Honesty will be harder for him, because of the addiction. He probably hasn't been honest with himself for a long, long time. So it will take some soul searching on both parts in order to go forward. This is not an easy thing, but only you can decide how much this relationship means to you and how much you are willing to "take" what he has to offer. And it could be, that he has a lot he really does want to offer. This then, would be your new "beginning". He will need help; a rehab, a doctor, you, however much he thinks he will need after considering his needs and yours too. It boils down to how much he really wants to quit, for himself and for you. Don't give up yet. There could very well be a happy ending in this for both of you. My guy quit heroin many years ago, and we met, and have been together 16 years now. It can be done. Don't give up on him yet. Be honest with him and try to do it without letting your anger and hurt get out of control. Anger is the most hazardous emotion in a relationship if not channeled properly. It can destroy even the best of relationships. So I won't say bite your tongue, just nibble on it a little, and see where this takes you. It might be to a wedding day. It might be to a new life with someone else. Either way, I am sure you will come out of this ok. You sound like a very strong person. I think, you're going to be just fine. It may take awhile, but remember this, when one door closes, a new one opens. Just find the courage you have, somewhere deep inside you, to take hold of that doorknob and step through the door. God bless you and keep you as you make your way through this difficult time. He is always with you. He will watch over you if you let Him know you need the help. I am going to go and make you my friend. That way, you can come back here and reach me any time you want. Just post a new question or comment below an answer that you got, and, as your friend, I will be notified that you are asking for help. Either way, please come back and let me know how you're doing, and what is happening. The people on this site are an absolutely amazing bunch. I (and they) will be here for you, no matter what you decide. This goes for your boyfriend too. Maybe we can be of some help in getting you both through this together. Drugs.com is a great support system. I wish you the best. And Marjorie (The lady who first answered your question) is well qualified and one of the most compassionate people I have known. I highly recommend her to you. Let us know how you are doing and if you need any help at all... I am beanmarie
This is a first for me! I am at a loss for words. Marjorie and beanmarie have covered it all. Please listen to their excellent advice. Quitting H is the hardest one of all. He will need to be inpatient for the detox should he choose that route. By the way, how long has he had this habit? How long did he quit before you caught him in the bathroom? Did he ever go into full blown withdrawals? This will all depend on what treatment, if any is needed.
Best wishes to you and be strong!
I think you know the answer
is to get away from him. It not that he doesn't love you, but the drug has control over him.
It's not nice to say, but let him go without a fix and he will leave you in a heart beat and if necessary rob you of you valves to.
He alone needs to hit bottom and want to pull him self up and out.
You and your love can't do this.
I feel for you, I really do. If you stay with him, you will begin to steal and break the law for him and he just might get you hook on it.
You will for certain be helping feed his habit one way or another, you won't be able to say no.
You can't and never will build a life with him being on a drugs
It cost a lot to feed his addiction and there have been many rich good people who now live in the gutters
Leave him and love him
until he excepts what he is and will struggle to clean up.
I am afraid you will watch him go down a trail that you or anybody else can't stop. Only he can,
when he's at the bottom and ready
he can't control what the drug want him to do.
I'm so sorry to hurt you, by being blunt.
You should already know how you will live.
you have no say so in his life of drugs, only he can choose the right road.
I can only hope, that a few years down the road from some day
you will find him cured enough of this awful thing, to control the yearning
and have the life you want,
if you wait.
God be with you on this sad story, and the chance of the outcome being good.
As I said it's not fun to write something like this, but you need to have a life away from drugs and their problems.
from a friend who cares
I'm sorry to say this but it is my opinion. If you know now that you can't tolerate the situation and you are upset that he talks about wanting to shoot up all the time, you should get out before you have so much time invested that you feel helpless. Most heroin addicts are as addicted to the needle and the process of shooting up as they are the drug itself. No drug addict or alcoholic quits for someone else or because they feel they owe it to them for showing them, what they consider, a miserable few days without their drug. He is still using technically and in his mind he can hardly wait to get away from you to use again and this will be forever unless something bad happens and HE decides to change.
You can't give pointers or encourage anyone who does not want that change - they really just get mad and try to figure out ways to do it without you knowing about it (they think) Heroin addicts think they have the hardest habit to break - they are all bad - but alcohol withdrawal is the only withdrawal that can actually kill you. All withdrawal is bad but the terror and pain of it, if we can remember it, will hopefully make us strong enough not to go back and do it again.Most addiction Dr.'s will agree that a good predictor of the future is your past behavior. I Hope I haven't been harsh but save yourself and get out unless you want to spend your life being a nursemaid. Good Luck Honey.
You need to put you first! Clearly this is dragging you down! I know I am going through the same exact thing and junkies are soo hard to deal with they make you feel insane... you might have to walk away not because you don't love him or want him but because you can't change him no matter what words you say, he has to want to change and that's it that's all that will fix anything. But until then your going to be hurting over him and his issues and drama. Your sanity and feelings are more important... I had to walk away to idk if its forever or what but I do know I am not a junkie nor a baby sitter and I have a weight off my shoulders, I am lonely and sad and worry but like I said we are number one in our lives... good luck contact me if needed... support is all we got. <3
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