... friend I would reach out an addiction specialist for much needed help. Well I called about 20 of these specialist and so got about 10 return calls. Of these calls 6 of them said they didn't take my insurance or went taking new patients. The other 4 said they couldnt work with me because I was an addictive users so it wouldn't be productive but they would see me once I went to detox and they told me I had to detox before any specialist could meet w/ me which actually made sense to me. So I called the mental health clinicans with my tufts health plan and they told me to detox at norcap in norwood, ma so I called them and told them I was an active drug abuser and then she asked me what drug it was so I told her and she said "oh hmm I am not sure what that is and now that i rethink this you can wean yourself down" and I got mad so I said "don't u think if I could simply do that I would" she said well I really don't know this med I am going to talk to our nurse practitioner about this and call u back well after a hour I called her back and she said ummm yeah I told to the people here and they said you really should just go to a NA group. She said we really only work with people who have addictions such as cocaine or heroin. Again I got mad and said so let me get this right you will not even assess me because I don't have a needle dangling out of my arm and u don't even know what provigil is!! She h/u on me!!! I was crushed!!! I cried badly! So then I tried calling my therapist and she left for the day... figures. I called my insurance again & told them what happened so she told me to call norwood hospital and they also dismissed the exact same way norcap did so I h/u and bawled so bad again but this to I worked myself into a panic attack and vomited and worked myself into a serious nervous breakdown. Then I called my PCP because I didnt know who else to call. They said they would love to help but its not their speciality which I really understand really. It was awful that day it was literally my worse fears coming true which was being dismissed when I finally got the courage to reach out to the mental health community so it tore me apart when i was dismissed. Next day I met with my therapist and she called the crisis hotline and get back to me she did and arranged with my local er that I go there to be assessed mentally and physically due--- physically due to stopping cold turkey they want to monitored my heart thoroughly. Also, I have started telling my family out of necessity as this wknd is fathers day and i have to tell my dad why i am absent and he is not the person to not be extremely noisey about why you can't come to this "HUGE" celebration in his honor as a father (fucking bad dad). So my mom called last night and said I sounded tired and then quickly followed it up w/up "are u on drugs"??? So I seized the moment knowing it would end badly because I have the family from hell. Anyway, I told her everything she yesed me to death each time she sounded more and more pissed. So finally I said so what do you think because u sound mad!!! She said nope its whatever. Then she said I have to gather my thoughts about this and pick up your sick grandmother so not only do I have to deal with your poor grandmother now I am going to have worry about you so I stifled my sobs and said ok and we said bye and h/u so I quickly before hubby could see grabbed a steak knife and went into bathroom and cut my leg apart bad, bad, badly very very close to needing stitches. So I am holding my breath to go to er tomorrow and having them dismiss me again because its only provigil and stress over my dad and sis's reaction to this because they will stalk me to get an answer meaning they will call me nonstop at home on my cell my friends my hubby the ER my the therapist and so on so my hands are tired just scared and nauseous about everything :( :(
Oh Jenny, so sorry you are hitting such roadblocks. You must remain strong and keep fighting, not cutting. I understand the urge to cut, but it just is down right dangerous. I hate to see you get a serious infection.
Give the ER a chance to assess you before you dismiss the option. Maybe you need to go inpatient for mental health not just provigil detox. Do they have a mental health unit at this hospital? I have been to the hospital numerous times and found that it gave me the chance to regroup and make some positive steps forward. It ain't like the Hilton, but it does give one a new perspective on life.
Please try writing your feelings down next time you want to cut. Writing your feelings down can be very releasing. We get pent up energy from being so angry and have to release it. Writing is a much safer productive avenue to take.
I am here for you so please write me anytime. If the family is causing you more stress then as sweetlemon said, don't answer the phone for awhile. You can get through this hon, honest. Keep us posted as to how you are feeling,
I am terribly sorry you are having such a tough time right now things just don't seem like they are going to work out but you know I care and I am just keeping you in my prayers and my hope is that once you are evaluated that there will be a way for them to see you reaching out for help, You hang in there!! Caringsonbj (Billy)
Kitsy-boo, please Google dr. Jeffrey Junig at Fon du Lac Psychiatry, in Fon du Lac, Wisconsin and see if you can find his email address at that clinic. I feel confident that you can, I do think he can help you. I am working on a color right now, so I can't do it for you and I am short on time. Please do this asap, office may be closed now, but I do think he reads his emails even when office is closed. I am saying some prayers and sending love your way. Please let me know when he contacts you. Patti
I'm so sorry for the stress you are going through at the moment,but please hunny try not to cut yourself,you will get the help you need,i know its taking time but you will get it,i know its very frustrating what is going on with all the ringing around but as Sweet said,dont give up calling them,keep calling and you will get there my friend.
Please stay strong for your family and also yourself.
We are all here for you,but please dont harm yourself,i do hope you go to the er,you are in my thoughts and sending you lots a hugs.
Take care and keep posting x
- Provigil Information for Consumers
- Provigil Information for Healthcare Professionals (includes dosage details)
- Side Effects of Provigil (detailed)
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