Hello? Anyone out there? I need someone to say something with impact... and I need it now!!!

Recently I have felt so bored, depressed, and itching for some vicodin. I can see it... waiting a few days to get the subs out of my system and popping those pills after all this time. Everything i have worked so hard to achieve will come crumbling down with just one big gulp of water to wash down those damn pills.

Lately I have gone through some personal loss and great big jab to my confidence. At the same time.. things are going great with my job and I am opening doors I didn't think possible before. But seems like this new depression is weighing more than the positive gain in my life. And because of itI am craving vicodin more than ever.. actually for the first time since I started suboxone.

I know how dumb it would be to take it. I know thinking just taking it once won't hurt is a ridiculous logic. I know all of this. I just can't get it out of my head.

Another thing, I really miss how much fun I had when I was out and using vicodin. Going to parties and bars and the like were so much freaking fun on vicodin. I know I can have fun without it. I guess I am just saying, I miss the fun with vics too much and that may have something to do with it.

I amnot sure I know what else to say, but... I do not want to up my suboxone. I hate taking it and the way it makes me feel. Also I am way too broke to continue to go to the doctor every week or even every other week and to buy these subs. I need to get off these very soon, and the timing isn't great, what with this new overwhelming craving for my old bad habits.