Some of you know me and you know about this problem. It's becoming very acute. I need something for chronic anxiety, and my doc just doesn't care. He has all these crazy rules, such as he won't write a Benzo script for more than 10 pills. Although a few months ago it was 15 pills. And way back last April he said 30 pills. I don't play with these pills, and I've never been hooked on a Benzo in my life. I never even saw a need to take a Benzo until I became 32 and developed an anxiety disorder. It has become much worse lately, and based on what is going on in my life, it's no surprise. The Doc I go to gives me 10 Ativan or Klonopin, he doesn't believe in Xanax, and when I tell him that's not enough he shakes his head as no, and says it has to be. But how can it have to be? Lately with all the things going on I need 1 every evening and often 1 in the day. That's what it takes to keep me from feeling like I'm shaking. I know many of you are on a Benzo 1, 2, and 3 times a day, and sometimes 2 mg three times a day. I doubt I need that much, but I need more than one 10 times a month. Nighttime is a very stressful time. He gave me Klonopin last Friday and these past 6 nights have been fine because I had Klonopin. But now there's almost none left, and tonight is bad. What's more the Teva Subutex I take for pain and depression is unavailable and I had to switch to Roxane. The Roxane stops wds, but it doesn't help depression which makes me more anxious. I have been doing so well on Teva Subutex these 9 months. But the past 2 nights my mind is swirling with thoughts of suicide. I know nothing can be done to get Teva Subutex, but 1 or 2 mg of Klonopin right now will stop my mind from thinking this way. I know that because I've been doing it all week. It's like the more active my mind becomes, the more nervous I get. And when I get very nervous, I think of just dying. I'm not planning it, or to do it. But just being and thinking about it makes me worse. And then I think, this is life, my life. I have no quality of life. I do what I can to change things as much as I can. Even so, I can still only do so much. But 1 pill can make me feel ok, and that will help me to press on in changing things. Except this Doc says no I can't have it. And so instead of focusing on changing things, I'm consumed with thoughts of fear and anxiety. It's a vicious cycle
So I need a different Doc. But how do I get a Doc to give me a Benzo for all this anxiety? I'm 59 and I know better than anyone that walking into a Doc's office and asking for a drug means I won't get it. I don't care which Benzo they give me. But that's what works. I've tried Buspar, SSRIs, SNRI's, SSRI/SNRI's, low dose Zyprexa, the Trazodone type drugs (which I take for sleep), and may other things. This problem has been going on for 27 years. There is one family of drugs that works, and it's the Benzos. I can only afford to go to 1 new doc a month. How do I choose a doc who might give me what I need? I don't want to chose a doc at random. Any ideas?