AAMother of three.sole support for my family husband is disabled. I have ytryed to quit several time but never lasted long as of now I have no insurance. And I am sceptical of going on suboxone or methadone as these drugs are just as hard to get of of so I've heard . My husband is aware of problem and has tried to help I've given him the bottles once again however when I want more ot turns into a ascreamimin match whithch ultimately leads to. Him apologising. I tell him its not his fault fault Short version . Taking up to 30 soma, dfentanyl patch 25mcg every 2 days. 30 vicodin 10/325. Scared I'm going to die. Afraid to tell my pain dr. Or any any other doctor for that matter. Severe depression and anxiety esp when I cut back on meds. Been to Er 4 times this month. Just wanted relief of severe pain and anxiety.dx with fibro, diabetic neuropathy chronic back pain. I just turned 39 and I feel 90. I'm afraid to live with them and afraid to live without them. I've tried na a couple of times I just always justify why I need the meds as my user name suggests I am so desperate and feel I have nowhere to turn. Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
I tried to read you post a couple of times to make sure I understood exactly what is going on. You mention severe pain, suboxone will not help with severe pain, so I am not even going to mention that, although it would stop withdrawal and cravings. You say you don't want to start methadone either, I know that there is a stigma attached to methadone, but, if properly used, it is a safe med and the longest acting pain med, but, I think you probably won't be able to take the soma with it. Have you thought about seeing an addiction therapist and may do some work with the therapist before you make a major decision of whether you need to get off you meds, or change them. It seems you have alot of pressure on you and major pain and therapist see the whole picture and could probably help you. Have you tried any of the antidepressants, such as amitriptyline or fluoxetine to see if they would help with the pain, depression and anxiety.
I am super sensitive to antidepressants, but found that a low dose of amitriptyline (25 mgs nightly) and a low dose of fluoxetine (10 mgs NON extended release) both helped, the amitriptyline raise my mood and quashed pain, fluoxetine helped anxiety. There are addiction therapist who work with low or no income programs around. You may could locate one thru an AA or NA meeting by asking around. You are in my Prayers. Pattishan
Pattishan - sensible and wise, as always.
What helped me are meetings. Meetings kept me sober when I was going through a very stressful, lonely period. I hated a lot of things about meetings, but like they say"take what you can use, leave the rest behind". I took on tons of committments - usually the greeter job. Having a committment helps keep you accountable - my pride would not let me get high and then go to my greeter committment, a committment where you have to interact closely with everyone who comes through the doors. The meetings (and the storys in the back of all AA CA NA books), well sometimes they are stupid, but some are great, having a speaker tell their story, stories I could identify with. They kept in my mind how it really was when I was using (sh@tty) and the CONSEQUENCES of my addiction, and how even if my years of use were dreadful - they can always get worse.
For instance, at meetings I have met people convicted of manslaughter, a bank robber, women with domestic violence convictions,prostitute crack addicts, people who had their children taken away, ID theives, and I knew one woman who smoked in her bed while high and nodded off, dropping her cigarette on her comforter - she and her seven children all perished in a fire.
Consequences. I know you may think "I am not that bad, I would never do those things", but addictions usually take you to territory you never thought would be part of your future. It is the desparate need to feed the beast, no matter what.
Sorry for the long-winded sermon. How to start? Well I think Pattishan's advice about getting on an antidepressant and something for the anxiety is very sound. After that, the only way I quit was by reminding myself that tho it is painful with out the junk, I told myself that everyday will get a little better as more of the drugs get out of my system. You have to prepare yourself to meet the suffering detox brings on. Turn all that determination and will that you put into staying high, into determination to not use, no matter what.
All the above is how I quit, that and compulsively reading the stories at the back of the literature. I wish you luck and strength.
Patti and Tonka gave you some good advice. I seldom disagree with Patti but on this one point I do. Try not to jump to anti D's right out of the gate. Give your brain several months to heal before starting any other medication. Counseling is vital and may be the ticket to help you through this. My oldest daughter sponsors a few people in N/A. She's really good at it. I had a talk with her the other day about methadone and suboxone. N/A's opinion is methadone is just another high and no opinion on suboxone yet. She has a feeling that position will change soon as suboxone is an opiate too. It's worked wonders for many people trying to kick substance abuse. And if I needed to ween off of my meds, that's the route I would take. My daughter thinks that if you don't suffer through the withdrawals, you're apt to use again. In a way, that makes sense. She'll never forget how bad it was and that memory alone is enough to keep her sober.
But we're all not as strong willed as that. My opinion is whatever helps you through it, then go for it. But I do think counseling is a vital tool to stay sober. A slow taper from your choice of opiate, counseling, and finding others to talk to especially during weak moments. When you said fentanyl every 2 days, does that include lots of soma's and vic's every 2 day as well? Are you wearing the patch or extracting the med another way? This will help us understand better and might make a difference on how you should approach this. I know it seems very hard right now, but there is always a way out of this. Hang in there and please post again soon.
Please don't let being ashamed get in the way of getting the help you need, and getting to where you want to be: free of your addiction. Keep on coming back, and keep on trying - just don't give up! You have too much going for you - especially your beautiful children. I can kind of get a feeling about people, and I have a good feeling about you. I think you can do this, so keep on reaching for help, and you will get it. Trust God, He will help you - your faith is strong and that can make all the difference. Hang in there!
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