I am 36. Been using pm for 7-8 years. I quit on my own summer of 2008. While clean, I met and fell in love with the girl of my dreams. After 3 months she found out she was pregnant. Baby was born in Dec. The following march, I started using again at work. The pressure of my job, the stress of a new baby, and working with drug pushers (not dealers pushers). In April I came clean to my girl. She was upset that I had been lying to her. I told her I wanted to quit. She wanted me to get help but didn't Ness. Want me see a doctor. So I tried to quit on my own,. Finally in Aug. I left my job as my mother was deathly ill. It was good because I was away from the element. So now I'm home and I'm not using I'm feeling sick. My girls brother comes over one day while she was at work. He had a box of pm and offered me some. As much as I knew it was wrong I felt like I had no control and took one vicodin from him. I felt so depressed the next day. Then a week later my mom offered me a fentnyl lollipop, I took it. Then I my aunt called me and revealed a guarded family secret, my mother had been hospitalized for a mental problem from the time she was 13 until she was 18 and old enough to sign herself out. When I was going through my divorce from my first wife I was depressed. My mom comes to me one day and hands me 3 white pills. She said if I was feeling depression I should take one and i'de feel better. Boy did i! She got me hooked and I never even saw what was going on. I loved the way those little white pills made me feel. Then if I got in a fight with her she would cut me off . Than I would change my tune immediately and have to give In to her and then she would start giving me pills again. She got me hooked on drugs to keep me close and to control me.I'm so angry with her right now, even as she Is still In the hospital. I keep telling my self its not her fault it is the disease but its not really working. Sept first I took my mom to hospital and started taking care of my grandmother .I promised myself that day that after my mom had surgery whether she lived or died I was going to the doctor for help. I went 5 weeks later. I got suboxine. I sat my girl down and thanked her for the sacrifices she has made for me, and told her that I went for help and not only was I giving up and quitting taking drugs but I quit drinking as well. Well after 6 weeks at my moms I came back home to my family. Now my girl I leaving me and taking the kids. She doesn't think I quit for the right reasons. She thinks I only stopped because I knew there were problems between us.I know she loves me and loves our family but she is so hurt by this whole thing she doesn't know how to get past this. We are going to her family's house for thanksgiving. I plan on getting up during dinner and apologize to every one for my past behavior and announce to them and my teenage kids that I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic and I'm sorry for all the times drugs and drinking embarrass me and my family. We have a beautiful 11 month old daughter together. She has a 11 yr old son with autism and I have a 13 yr old daughter. I don't want this to ruin my family. I quit. I quit for me no other reason. Because I knew that I couldn't be good for anyone until I was clean. My family and especially my girl deserved a drug free husband or father. I don't want to loose my family again . I have maybe 3 months to make progress or its over. And that's me assuming I can change her mind before we have enough bills paid off and enouyh money for her to leave.she is gonna give me a chance to work things out, but its all on me this time as she is so closed up.actually its less she is giving me a chance and more she is feeling trapped here with me in an uncomfortable situation. I only have time. She will not consider counselling so that's not an option. Any one who helps me needs to know that I am drug and alcohol free and I love being sober. Help please. Help me save my family please someone. Tell me what to do. I'm so lost. Help!