I love my mom very dearly, and I had a happy childhood. It was as I became an adult that I became more aware that my mom was never a very happy person. She spent most of my teen years asleep and depressed, cheated on my dad with a man on the internet, then told my sister and I (we were 13 and 18) and told us NOT to tell my dad right away. I spent years (and still do) dealing with this. Luckily, my parents did get back together, but ever since then, my mom slowly got worse. As I stated, all through my teen years, she was depressed. She had a lot of migraines, smoked like a train, and slept. She had happy times, but mostly, she slept. It drove me crazy, and I didn't understand at the time why she did it. As I've become an adult, and especially in the past 4-5 years, she has gotten worse. She now has a pill addiction and denies it. She already has COPD and asthma from smoking so many cigarettes, and literally almost died in the hospital earlier this year because of breathing complications. We've begged her to stop smoking, but she won't. Not only does she smoke, but she takes pills. It's always something: tylenol, xanax, sinus medication... or worse... pain killers... and who knows what else. She used to ask my pill addict friend in high school for pills, she buys them from her sister, she asks her sisters and mom for them... claiming she's in pain. She's NOT. The worst part is that she LIES about it all of the time and then swears that we're attacking her and she's only taking what the doctor prescribes. But we know she does it. When my sister had a C-Section, she had pain killers in my nieces diaper bag and they disappeared while my mom was babysitting her. She was the only one there! Yet she lied about taking them - ALL OF THEM. She almost OD'ed once, and we've done interventions. We sent her to the ER, where she straightened up and convinced the social worker that she wasn't an addict. They made her go to therapy groups for two weeks, but instead of seeing her addiction, she got angry, and blamed the family for making her go there. She slurs her speech, falls asleep mid conversation, shakes, her eyes are popping and red, and she stumbles. It's so obvious, yet when we call her out and tell her she has a problem, she gets mad and says things like "Well, I'm just going to stop taking all of my medications and just die... then you'll be happy." It's SOOOOO hurtful because I love my mom with all of my heart, but she is causing me so much pain and stress. I am trying to plan my wedding, which is a month and a half away. I can't focus on it! I am a teacher trying to pla nlessons for the new year... I can't focus on that, either!! I am sooo exhausted of being the only one (and my sister) that calls her out on it and tries to get her to help herself. My dad enables her, as does her mom and sisters. I don't know what else to do. I've tried talking to her, getting her help, and nothing works. She just gets angry and denies it. I am considering just telling her that I don't want to be a part of her life as long as she's doing this. I just feel it will help me out some, because I don't know what else to do. Is this a good decision? Should I 'cut her off' from my life?
I'm so sorry to read about your family. But I've been through it as a child and as a mom. Many years ago I was an addict myself. But I was much more horrible to my kids when i was addicted. I brought drug dealers to my house and I'm ashamed to say even left my young kids (10,7,and 1 year old at that time) by themselves four hours and sometimes the whole day. I lost my job, car, house and almost my marriage. I didn't stop even when that happened. I finally stopped when my husband threatened to take away my kids for good. Being an addict is so easy to do. But within my addiction I learned not one person could make me stop. I had to do it. Some people won't stop. You have to ask yourself have you done everything possible to help your mom. And if your answer is yes then I would consider severing ties. I say this because my father is an addict. He is now 56 years old and still uses daily.You will always love your mom and she will always be your mom. But you are gonna start loving your own life soon. I haven't talked to my dad in 3 years now. I don't regret it at all. It hurts yes but it tore me up and it drove me to become an addict myself. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner. Alanon is a good place to start. Before making any decisions talk to someone first. There are plenty of programs out there that will help you understand the power of addiction and how u can not let it affect u. Hope this helped. And ill be praying for u.
This is indeed very sad. No one but your mum can help herself, she must realise what this is doing to her family, yet she cares not, she is so wrapped up in her addiction that she has become incredibly selfish. That sadly is exactly what addiction does, it consumes ones self.
Hopefully she will wake up and smell the coffee soon, for her sake and your families sake.
Best wishes and I agree, Alanon will help you!!
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